Dr. Wilson: You okay?
House: Why wouldn't I be? I solved my case.
Dr. Wilson: But your patient died.
House: I didn't say in time.

Dr. Foreman: I assume you're planning on screwing it up so you want to maximize witnesses.
House: Why does everyone go to that?
Dr. Foreman: Experience.
House: Shut up.

It's real. Unfortunately. Because Vicodin doesn't cause rash, fever, and joint pain. It does make Taub considerably less annoying, though.


House: Why do people believe I'm incapable of doing anything nice?
Dr. Wilson: Experience.

Dr. Wilson: Well, at least the Alzheimer's patient in 202 won't remember she only got half a ham sandwich.
House: I'm doing her a favor.

All right, I'll send along one of your big brothers to help. (indicates Foreman, Chase, Taub) Do you want Scary, Swarmy, or Shorty?


Dr. Foreman: Are you wearing my tie?
Taub: I saw it in your closet, and it happened to match my shirt.
Dr. Foreman: Why were you in my closet?
Taub: Looking for a tie. What's the big deal?
House: Obviously he wants you out of the closet for some reason. I suspect marriage, but I'm liberal that way.

Dr. Cuddy: I assume you're avoiding me because of the charity gala.
House: This Friday? It completely slipped my mind.
Dr. Cuddy: So you'll be there?
House: No, I meant it slipped my mind to tell you I'm not going.

My head's on your vagina.

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