Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

Barney : Let's see, what club should we hit first ? There's club “Was”, there's “Wrong”...
Marshall : Those places shut down a long time ago.
Barney : Oh no !
Marshall : Yeah “Oh No” shut down too !
Ted : There's “Where”.
Jerry : Where's “Where” ?
Lily : “Where”'s where “Was” was isn't it ?
Barney : No “Was” wasn't where “Where” was, “Was” was where “Wrong” was right ?
Jerry : Okay...
Ted : No “Okay” that place is lame.
Robin : “Okay” is lame ? I thought “Lame” was a gay bar... Or is that “Wrong” ?
Marshall : That's wrong, that's not “Wrong”.
Barney : Guys, focus !
Robin : Oh I like “Focus” let's go there !
Ted : Where ?
Robin : Not “Where”, “Focus” !
Lily : I thought “Focus” was closed ?
Barney : No, “Was” was closed, once “Was” shut down it reopened “Is Closed”
Marshall : “Closed” is opened !
Robin : No, “Closed” is closed.

Jerry: A magician never reveals his greatest trick, but I'll give you a hint. You've gotta meet the right girl. Who knows, maybe you'll meet her tomorrow?
Barney: Maybe I've met her already.

I'm too far gone, I'm broken.

Barney

Ted: How's the open marriage going? Who was the first to get to five numbers?
Lily: I won that race. My prize, sex in the bathroom.
Marshall: And I won that race!

Look what I just ripped out of the ground!

Jerry

Barney: Hey Jerry, do you really want to be out here like this?
Jerry: Oh sorry small town preacher from the Midwest! Is there a law against dancing?

Marshall: Game on! If I can score five numbers before you can, then we have sex in the bathroom but, if you can score five numbers before me, then we have sex in the bathroom.
Lily: So our usual wager. Deal!

I finally know what it's like to be embarrassed by my dad.

Barney

I want to hang out with Crazy Jerry not Stay at Home Jerome.

Barney
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