How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 2: "Purple Giraffe" Quotes
Barney: This is so lame.
Ted: Lame . . . or casual?
Ted: . . . or casual?
- Permalink: This is so lame. Lame . . . or casual? Lame. . . . or casu...
Robin: I don't know, Ted. I mean, we barely know each other and you're looking at me with that look, and it's like-
Ted: Like what?
Robin: Like, let's fall in love, and get married, and have kids, and drive them to soccer practice.
Ted: I'm not going to force sports onto them unless they're interested
- Permalink: I don't know, Ted. I mean, we barely know each other and you're ...
Ted [about the kid stuck in a crane machine]: Did they let him keep the purple giraffe?
Robin: Yea, they let him keep all the toys, he was in there a long time and little kids have small bladders
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The girl from last night, I took her back to my place, then this morning spun her around a couple of times and sent her walking. She'll never find her way back and there she is!Barney
- Permalink: The girl from last night, I took her back to my place, then this...
Marshall: Now the kid has got to get to work, and the kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me: I will not have sex with Marshall.
Ted and Lily: I will not have sex with Marshall
- Permalink: I will not have sex with Marshall. I will not have sex with Ma...
Barney: What does Carlos have that I don't?
Robin: A date tonight?
Lily: Ooh, stop the tape, rewind, play it again!
Robin: [makes rewind sound] A date tonight?
Barney: I'm not sure I like her
- Permalink: What does Carlos have that I don't? A date tonight? Ooh, sto...
Robin: What are you doing here?
Ted: Oh, you know, uh, just shopping for, uh... dip. I love dip. Well, I don't love dip, I like dip. As a friend
- Permalink: What are you doing here? Oh, you know, uh, just shopping for, ...
Barney: Ted, let's rap. Statistics: At every New York party there is always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see... where I'm going... with this?
- Permalink: At every New York party there is always a girl who has no idea w...
Barney: So, it's over between me and... Works-with-Carlos girl.
Ted: Whoa, that was fast.
Barney: Yeah. I was trying to think, "What's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met?"
[flashback to about 5 seconds ago]
Barney: I think I'm in love with you.
Works-with-Carlos Girl: What?
[back in the present]
Barney: Thanks, bro!
Ted: Glad I could help
- Permalink: So, it's over between me and... Works-with-Carlos girl. Whoa, ...
Random Girl: Hello, Barney.
Barney: Of course...
Random Girl: You look well. Isn't it weird they invited both of us?
Barney: Who? Who invited you, no one even knows who you are!
Random Girl: I understand, you're hurt, but... you don't have to be cruel. Carlos was right about you.
Barney: Who Is Carlos!?
- Permalink: Hello, Barney. Of course... You look well. Isn't it weird th...
Barney: Hi, have you met Ted?
Girl - Works With Carlos Girl: No.
Barney: Do you know Marshall? Lily?
Random Girl: No.
Barney: Hmm. Do you know anyone at this party?
Random Girl: I work with Carlos.
Barney: Excuse me.
Barney [to Ted, Lily, Marshall]: Anybody know a Carlos?
[they shake their heads]
Barney: On a silver platter
- Permalink: Hi, have you met Ted? No. Do you know Marshall? Lily? No. ...
Robin: So, you threw all these parties for me?
Ted: No! Oh, you thought - no... okay, yes. You got me. One of the reasons I threw these parties was so I could introduce you to, um...
[Barney shoves some random guy towards Ted]
Ted: ...this guy! I figured, since it didn't work out between us, and now we can just laugh about it...
Ted: Anyways, Robin, this is...
- Permalink: So, you threw all these parties for me? No! Oh, you thought - ...