How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother "Purple Giraffe" Quotes

Barney: This is so lame.
Ted: Lame . . . or casual?
Barney: Lame.
Ted: . . . or casual?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: I don't know, Ted. I mean, we barely know each other and you're looking at me with that look, and it's like-
Ted: Like what?
Robin: Like, let's fall in love, and get married, and have kids, and drive them to soccer practice.
Ted: I'm not going to force sports onto them unless they're interested
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted [about the kid stuck in a crane machine]: Did they let him keep the purple giraffe?
Robin: Yea, they let him keep all the toys, he was in there a long time and little kids have small bladders
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: The girl from last night, I took her back to my place, then this morning spun her around a couple of times and sent her walking. She'll never find her way back and there she is!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: Now the kid has got to get to work, and the kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me: I will not have sex with Marshall.
Ted and Lily: I will not have sex with Marshall
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: What does Carlos have that I don't?
Robin: A date tonight?
Lily: Ooh, stop the tape, rewind, play it again!
Robin: [makes rewind sound] A date tonight?
Barney: I'm not sure I like her
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: What are you doing here?
Ted: Oh, you know, uh, just shopping for, uh... dip. I love dip. Well, I don't love dip, I like dip. As a friend
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Ted, let's rap. Statistics: At every New York party there is always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see... where I'm going... with this?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Barney: So, it's over between me and... Works-with-Carlos girl.
Ted: Whoa, that was fast.
Barney: Yeah. I was trying to think, "What's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met?"
[flashback to about 5 seconds ago]
Barney: I think I'm in love with you.
Works-with-Carlos Girl: What?
[back in the present]
Barney: Thanks, bro!
Ted: Glad I could help
 • Rating: Unrated

Random Girl: Hello, Barney.
Barney: Of course...
Random Girl: You look well. Isn't it weird they invited both of us?
Barney: Who? Who invited you, no one even knows who you are!
Random Girl: I understand, you're hurt, but... you don't have to be cruel. Carlos was right about you.
Barney: Who Is Carlos!?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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