Peter: Peter, Brandi's fiance. Have we met?
Brandi: Ah, yeah. She kind of arrested me.
Peter: That's right. Family dinner. Got it. That was fun.

Major Provo: Well, according to Sue he's been battling insomnia, emotional detachment, disproportionate outbursts of anger. Guess what those are symptoms of.
Marshall: Pregnancy?

Mary: No, not the actually face.
Marshall: Not my favorite face.

Marshall: It's better than Fallujah. That's our new bumper sticker right?
Mary: It's either that or WITSEC: It's not just for mobsters anymore.

Marshall: I told her that was out of the question.
Mary: Well that always works with teenagers, 'out of the question.' Next time maybe take 'over my dead body' out for a spin.

Give my regards to the sweat lodge and / or asylum.


I was on the right path all along. I just didn't know it.


Family is never perfect. All it is really, is yours.


Little girl: He's not feeling too good. Pooped all over our energy garden.
Mary: Well, you've got an energy garden. You kind of had it coming.

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