TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

For the record, just because my boobs are so big that Dolly Parton can sue for silhouette infringement doesn't mean I'm this delicate flower or some porcelain doll.

Mary

Mary: Now you're running around like some sort of munchkin PI because Brandi thinks I mad at her?
Peter: Pretty much.

Stan: Mary, Congratulations...
Mary: I had sex. It worked. So.

Stan: Mary, I've let this slide long enough waiting for the exact right moment to bring up the elephant in the room. Hmm. I did not just say that.
Mary: Well, it seems like you did.

Delia: So who's throwing the baby shower?
Stan: I don't know Delia. Who's pregnant?
Delia: Oh come on Chief, she's been busting buttons for weeks now.

Marshall: Besides I don't mind hanging out with Vic.
Mary: Of course you don't. He's a pint size you with a killer tan.

I tried to tell you, old candy from the bottom of the beauty shop bowl, never a good idea.

Marshall

I'm with you every day. If you're having a baby, trust me, we're having a baby

Marshall

Look, we're stuck in 1985. Daddy can't deal with his gay son. All I need now are my acid wash jeans and a scrunchie.

Mary

Great, our witness is Archie Bunker except, you know, not funny.

Marshall

Perfect is overrated. Put that in Latin and it's the Shannon family motto.

Mary

Brandi: Do you have any pictures of Dad?
Mary: I can dig up one of his wanted posters.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 87 in total