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For the record, just because my boobs are so big that Dolly Parton can sue for silhouette infringement doesn't mean I'm this delicate flower or some porcelain doll.


Mary: Now you're running around like some sort of munchkin PI because Brandi thinks I mad at her?
Peter: Pretty much.

Stan: Mary, Congratulations...
Mary: I had sex. It worked. So.

Stan: Mary, I've let this slide long enough waiting for the exact right moment to bring up the elephant in the room. Hmm. I did not just say that.
Mary: Well, it seems like you did.

Delia: So who's throwing the baby shower?
Stan: I don't know Delia. Who's pregnant?
Delia: Oh come on Chief, she's been busting buttons for weeks now.

Marshall: Besides I don't mind hanging out with Vic.
Mary: Of course you don't. He's a pint size you with a killer tan.

I tried to tell you, old candy from the bottom of the beauty shop bowl, never a good idea.


I'm with you every day. If you're having a baby, trust me, we're having a baby


Look, we're stuck in 1985. Daddy can't deal with his gay son. All I need now are my acid wash jeans and a scrunchie.


Great, our witness is Archie Bunker except, you know, not funny.


Perfect is overrated. Put that in Latin and it's the Shannon family motto.


Brandi: Do you have any pictures of Dad?
Mary: I can dig up one of his wanted posters.

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