It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes (Page 2)

Season 8 Episode 7: "Frank's Back in Business"

Mac: Fight Milk! The first alcoholic dairy based protein drink for bodyguards!
Charlie: By bodyguards! I drink it every morning so I can fight like a crow.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Dennis (to himself): Alright, Lefeve, time to put your money where
your mouth is. Time to kick things up a notch. (turns back to
shirtless tiny Asian boy while unzipping pants)
Tiny Asian Boy (now wearing caddy uniform with golf clubs in front of
him): So, only the one set of clubs?
Dennis (surprised): Yes! Clubs! You're a caddy. This is a golf
(motions with hand) yeah! Good! (re-buckles belt) That's better than
what I was about to - (laughs) Lemme, uh - gimme a minute, I need to
switch gears, I almost - yeah.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: What do we build?
Frank: We don't build anything. Leave that to the chinks! Speaking of
which, I want this sushi dinner to be the tits!
Charlie: Okay, so you want it to be really expensive.
Frank. No! No! I mean I want to eat it off some Jap broad's tits!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Dennis: How's it going to reflect on me if I promote my bodyguard to
VP after talking to him for 2 minutes at a ballgame?
Mac: It won't reflect on you at all, because you're not Brian Lefeve.
Dennis: I'm not what?
Mac: Dude, you were floundering.
Dennis: I was gathering information so I can more fully become this
man. This has become much more than business. This is about the thrill
of wearing another man's skin. Feeling his innermost wants and
desires. And being in control of his every single move. That's how you
get off. Don't you guys want to get off with me?
Mac: I don't know.
Dee: What?
Dennis: I want you to get off with me. Just follow my lead. 'Cuz we're
gonna get off together. (bites his lip)
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Bill: Oh, so you've looked over the proposal?
Dee [as Prudence, in a horrible Canadian accent]: Yah, i sure did and I
tell you what - I seen better lookin' moose turds in Rick Moranis'
backyard, ya hosers.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Frank: If we're gonna turn this company around, we gotta start cutting
the crust off this sh*t sandwich!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andrew Caine: And you are?
Mac: Vic Vinegar. Bodyguard. I don't shake hands, so don't even try.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mac: Okay, I'm going to run Ops. That door is the only entrance/exit,
so if anyone enters, I'll spring off the balcony.
Dennis: No, no. That's a 50 foot drop.
Mac: And I'm a professional, so I will tuck and roll the landing.
Dennis: You're gonna tuck and roll through a 50 foot drop?
Mac: Dennis, if I had a gun with me, I'd be spraying bullets into the
air as I fell.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: Frank's taking me under his wing. Teach me how to swim with the sharks.
Dennis: Charlie can't read.
Frank: He'll adapt.
Dennis: He'll adapt to reading?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 8 Episode 6: "Charlie's Mom Has Cancer"

Charlie's Mom: Thank you all for coming to our Beer and Beef and Jesus. As you know, I'm as sick as a three-legged dog on the streets of India. Any minute, my lungs are going to sizzle pop and disintegrate into a liquid lung and organ gumbo soup.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie's Mom: I don't like this speech. The speech is too graphic.
Mac: It needs to be graphic to get their attention! (to Charlie) This bitch is driving me crazy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie's Mom: I feel like I'm lying.
Mac: You're not lying, Mrs. Kelly. You're really dying of cancer.
Artemis: It's devouring your insides, but we need it to look like it's devouring your outsides so it plays better for our audience (winks at Charlie and Mac).
 • Rating: Unrated

Mac: It's the Holy Trinity: Beef and beer and Jesus.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: Where's your mom going?
Mac: Oh, she keeps a cigarette burning out on the steps outside, so she's gonna go hack a butt.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: How's is this realistically going to solve our problem? Dennis, what do you think of this?
Dennis: Shh shh! I'm just trying to embrace this, maybe knock some emotion loose.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mac: I picture anything but black.
Dr. Jinx: Didn't you ever watch The Cosby Show when you were comin' up?
Mac: Oh, no. My parents would never allow anything like that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dennis: Yeah, I gotta say - this is a strange place for a doctor's office. What's this guy's name?
Mac: Dr. Jinx.
Dennis: Dr. Jinx is the name of a monkey, not a man.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Frank: You're losing your mind. You're being scammed.
Dee: I'm losing my mind? How many pairs of shoes have you lost this month, Frank?
Frank: (looks down, sees his own bare feet) Three... four!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 8 Episode 5: "The Gang Gets Analyzed"

Frank: Dennis there was another twin in your mother's womb! We were gonna call him 'Donnie', but you and Deandra devoured him before he could be born! You gobbled him up!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Therapist: Tell me about these size pills you're giving Mac.
Dennis: Well, now that's more like it. So, they're Mexican ephedra. Calling them 'size pills' was an elegant solution. The guy was gross, it was disgusting. He was fat as s**t, he smelled like s**t, he sounded like s**t, his groans, his snores, his sleep apnea, it was gross. He was repulsive really.
Therapist: So, you've been drugging him secretly?
Dennis: Giving a man medicine for his disease. Wherever did I get that idea?
Therapist: What are you writing?
Dennis: What? No, not writing. Drawing. Drawing conclusions. Drawing this...
(Dennis holds up his drawing of himself holding the naked Therapist's grossly exaggerated and oversized breasts from behind) You like this? It's very generous.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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