It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXPopular It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes
You remember that night at Dooley's pool party on that fine Summer eve? When I did that double jack-knife twist and blew everyone's tits off? You remember that? And then I went down on Chrissy Orlando on the trampoline later that night?
Dennis
He doesn't hide under a toupee. He faces his challenges instead of retreating to the sewers nude to forage for rings and coins. Or to the toilets. To a life filled with rats. He's the kind of man who gives me the courage to do an amazing double jack-knife twist, which I did. Most of you people wouldn't even attempt that, I did it. And to go down on Chrissy Orlando on a trampoline that very same night, which I also did. And I licked her asshole a little bit. It was pretty good. It was alright. It wasn't great.
Dennis
Mac: I'm gonna smash this (vase of flowers) over their goddam heads!
Dennis: Yes, Mac! Yes! I'm gonna blast them with this fire extinguisher!
Charlie: Okay, I'll toss hot soup in their faces.
Frank: I'm gonna pinch their dicks with this lobster.
Dee: Dennis, you don't want to go anywhere near a court. How many bench warrants for sexual misconduct do you have? Yeah, and Frank, how many unregistered guns do you have in your car right now?
Frank: A lot.
Charlie: Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished collies. My client, Frank here, isn't really on trial today, ya know. Common sense is on trial. And while common sense would tell you that eating a bowl of cereal while operating a car it's reckless, it's moronic, one might even call it, 'donkey-brained'.
Dennis: Donkey-brained?
Charlie: It means to have the brains of a donkey or a donkey-type creature.
Dennis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I know what it means, guy.
Dee: Yeah, and Charlie, you find Mac's arguments to be fairly credible and convincing?
Charlie: I do. Yeah, he makes a lot of good points. He's a good judge and... he's an even better bailiff.
No matter. I'm righteous. I'm not gonna stand here and present some egghead scientific argument based on fact. I'm just a regular dude. I like to drink beer. I love my family. Rock, flag, and eagle - right, Charlie?
Mac
I'm glad you brought up, Mr. Reynolds. Because science... is a liar sometimes. This... is Aristotle. Thought to be the smartest man on the planet. He believed the Earth was the center of the universe. And everybody believed him because he was so smart until another smartest guy came around. Galileo. And he disproved that theory... making Aristotle and everyone else on Earth look like... (*slaps a sticker that reads 'BITCH' on Aristotle's picture*) bitch.
Mac
And then, best of all. Sir Isaac Newton gets born and blows everyone's nips off with his big brains. Of course he also thought he could turn metal into gold and he died eating mercury. Making him yet another stupid (*slaps 'bitch' sticker*) bitch!
Mac
First off Wade Boggs is very much alive.
Mac
We're trying to do a Wade Boggs type thing.
Mac
Dennis: How many beers can we order at once?
Flight Attendant: I'm not sure, no one's ever asked that.
