Thank you, Mike, because you're an a—hole and we hate you and you're a bad person and you were born in 1965.

Snooki

I just heard that you guys were mad at me, but I didn't do anything. So I'm mad at you for being mad at me for no reason.

Pauly D

People think I'm dumb, but I'm really not that dumb.

Deena

Sammi: Don't ruin your life over me.
Ronnie: You are my life now.

I never thought you would ever, like, do that to me, and you did ... I always knew what I had, and, like, you didn't.

Sammi

I need someone who understands what I'm going through.

Ronnie

[on Snook] I care about her too much to let her smash two nights.

Vinny

Deena and Snooks have just shown again why they defy the laws of intelligence.

Mike

Whatever... f*%k my life. Sh!t happens.

Snooki

[to Sam] You are my life.

Ronnie

Mike thinks he's gonna get over on the Meatballs, but in reality baby, the Meatballs make the best of every situation, so go screw yourself Mike.

Deena

Can you look at me real quick?! WATCH THE ROAD!!!! But do I look hot???

Snooki

Jersey Shore Season 3 Episode 9 Quotes

I'm hungover, I'm not having a good time. Work blows d!ck for skittles right now, I wanna kill myself.

Deena

If you don't want to cuddle, thanks for the braciola but no dinner dates with you and me, goodbye, never see you again.

Snooki