This is a place of business. She needs to throw a tarp over those bounce houses.

Jay

Whats next you're gonna dress her in fishnets? Put her in a window in Amsterdam? Just keep it casual!

Jay [about Stella]

Phil: Happy Valentine's Day by the way.
Claire: Ew no, I'm gross and sweaty from running.

I'm gonna miss that Juliana. That woman knows where the bodies are buried.

Phil

Point is- a guy like me gets that lucky, he quits while he's ahead.

Phil

It was pretty pricey, but they're judgey so we knew the'd love it.

Mitchell

Obviously there were 2 gifts wrapped similarly and my eyes were a little watery from the thick fog of vapor rub back there.

Cam

As loud as these 2 are, they move like cats.

Jay

Lot of attitude from a guy whose date is a tub of ice cream and a fuzzy robe. You're spending Valentine's Day in a Cathy comic.

Jay [to Manny]

Claire: You've never stolen anything before?
Phil: Only my entire high school production of The Wiz.

Claire: Phil, honey, when I’m not home I need you to be present and keep track of everyone.
Phil: Sounds good. Love you too.

Claire: I asked you to clean up the kitchen nine hours ago when I left for work. I come back and it's the exact same mess PLUS pickles and peanut butter.
Haley: I was running around doing stuff for my crazy boss all day, and then I got hungry, and then the smell from the garbage almost made me throw up!

Modern Family Quotes

You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.

Mitchell

Thank you Uncle Manny!

Haley