Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

I like big putts and I cannot lie.

Pepper

I wanted to tell Haley the dangers of starting a family too early but what could I say that couldn't have been said better by a screaming baby?

Claire

Maybe we can pump Marcus full of whatever we gave those bike riders.

Cam

It's like scrabble with Haley. After awhile you're just playing against yourself.

Alex

Mitchell: Suck it Nancy!
Pepper: I was just trying to help.

Son of a bitch you're an embarrassment! You're kicking up more sand than a sea turtle laying eggs.

Jay

Alex: You maybe wanna take a shift carrying this dry ice?
Gloria: No I just had a baby.
Alex: I watched you carry Manny to bed.

Classmate: Why is it taking you so long? How hard is it for you to paint a wall?
Luke: A lot harder than your so-called singing. At least this is supposed to be flat.

First rule of golf, shhh.

Jay
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