Cam: I'm playing a drinking game. It's called everytime I feel depressed about something, I take a drink.
Mitchell: That's already a game. It's called alcoholism.

• Permalink: I'm playing a drinking game. It's called everytime I feel depres...
• Added: February 15, 2012

Isn't it enough this family spends a lot of time together? Now we have to inbreed?

Jay

• Permalink: Isn't it enough this family spends a lot of time together? Now w...
• Added: February 15, 2012

It's a freakshow, but it's their freakshow.

Gloria

• Permalink: It's a freakshow, but it's their freakshow.
• Added: February 15, 2012

Stop acting like I'm some staunchy old coot! I've grown.

Jay

• Permalink: Stop acting like I'm some staunchy old coot! I've grown.
• Added: February 15, 2012

You're going to have Cam's baby just to avoid it being weird?

Phil [to Claire]

• Permalink: You're going to have Cam's baby just to avoid it being weird?
• Added: February 15, 2012

And what are we supposed to tell the baby? Say hi to your Aunt Mommy!

Mitchell

• Permalink: And what are we supposed to tell the baby? Say hi to your Aunt M...
• Added: February 15, 2012

I think we're all having a baby!

Phil

• Permalink: I think we're all having a baby!
• Added: February 15, 2012

Sometimes I worry nobody's going to like Alex.

Claire

• Permalink: Sometimes I worry nobody's going to like Alex.
• Added: February 15, 2012

I can't express to you how badly this kid needs football.

Jay [about Manny]

• Permalink: I can't express to you how badly this kid needs football.
• Added: February 15, 2012