Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Gloria: You had a 3 hour nap on Sunday.
Jay: I was tired.
Gloria: From what, your 2 hour nap on Saturday?

We all weave a web of lies. Some we tell to try to help the ones we love, some we tell to try to fool ourselves.

Manny

Claire: You have dumb ideas.
Phil: Name one...that went on for awhile.

Jay: This behavior of yours is not gonna fly when you lose your looks.
Gloria: Awww, you'll be long gone by then.

For the record, I do all my own wiping.

Luke

In this scenario he's the Tonya and I'm the Nancy!

Phil

Cam: Well obviously the tooth fairy made a mistake.
Mitchell: Maybe it's cause the tooth fairy had a little too much chardonnay last night.

It's Luke's career day. I thought I'd offer the kids a chance to put their face on my body.

Phil

Alex: He keeps asking me to hand him all of the instruments, he wants me to act like a nurse.
Luke: Now it sounds like a date in Haley's life.

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