Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family

I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.

Cameron

Jay and I are buds, for sure, but with kind of um, an invisible, asterisk. Um, he's not the, he's not a talker, or, or hugger. Once he ran over my foot with his car. But in his defense, he had just given up smoking, but basically we're buds

Phil

Alex: So did you ever kiss another girl?
Gloria: That's no way to talk to your grandmother

Phil: If things have gone differently in my life I could have been a pilot.... What would happen if you turn the remote off and on right again?
Jay: Yeah, you would have made a great pilot

Gloria: I have a small flower on my ankle, and a tiny, little butterfly on my....thigh.
Alex: How high up?
Gloria: Very high.
Alex: Did you do it to look sexy, no, did you do it for a guy? Does grandpa like it?
Gloria: No, no, and yes

Cameron: Mitchell is a snob.
Mitchell: No, n-no, I'm discerning.
Cameron: Official slogan for snobs. When we first met he wouldn't even look at me because I was a hick from the farm in Missouri and he's a big city mouse.
Mitchell: Who says city mouse?
Cameron: Country mice

Gloria: Men need their hobbies. Manny's father had many hobbies like hiking in the desert, that kind of skiing where they drop you from the, how do you say in English? [Makes helicopter sounds]
Jay: Helicopter.
Gloria: Yes. Once on a dare, he even boxed with an alligator.
Jay: Wrestle, you wrestle... you can't box with alligators.
Gloria: You sure?
Jay: How would they get the gloves on their little claws?
Gloria: Aren't they like tiny little hands?
Jay: No! Okay, now I forgot what we were talking about.
Gloria: Anyways, hobbies are important for the men. Whether you're risking your life, or flying little planes from a safe distance

Ugh, kids, you don't have to tell me, my school is full of them

Manny [to Claire]

Manny: I wish I could stay home with you and fly toy airplanes.
Jay: These aren't toy airplanes, Manny. These are models and they're very complicated. You wanna fly one of these, you gotta be familiar with air foyle, drag, lift and thrust, and these are all principles of aerodynamics.
Manny: The box says twelve and up.
Jay: What?!
Gloria: You can fly toy planes with Jay next time. Today you have to spend time with Luke.
Manny: Why?
Gloria: Because his mother invited you, so you go. Family needs to be close, right Jay?
Jay [looking at the box]: I'm pretty sure this is a typo

Claire: Oh, go figure. A teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his girlfriend's dad.
Phil: I thought we were past all that. I'm all about taking it to the next level.
Claire: Really? I thought you were all about keeping it real.
Phil: Yes, but the whole point of keeping it real is so you can take it to the next level. Did you really not know that?

You know, instead of trying to force me to wear a dress, why don't you worry about getting Luke to wear some pants?

Alex [to Claire]
Displaying all 11 quotes

Modern Family Season 1 Episode 3 Quotes

I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.

Cameron

Claire: Oh, go figure. A teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his girlfriend's dad.
Phil: I thought we were past all that. I'm all about taking it to the next level.
Claire: Really? I thought you were all about keeping it real.
Phil: Yes, but the whole point of keeping it real is so you can take it to the next level. Did you really not know that?

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