Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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You know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle — you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.

Phil

Oh sure, when you're gay you just walk around giving butt bumps to everybody. It's like a high-five — it's a low two.

Cameron

Some people call me a salesman, I call myself a salesfriend, so obviously I need strangers to trust me. I don't take it kindly when someone Tom Sellecks my bus bench.

Phil

Cam: My dream for him is that one day, he'll be on the Supreme Court.
Mitchell: Why Cam?
Cam: So at parties I can tell people my partner is one of the Supremes.

Luke, that is very offensive to women. Your mom works very hard, just now she works for us.

Phil

Claire: What's that in your hand?
Luke: Jagermeister. Dad said it would make girls wanna kiss you.

Just test-driving my new soup strainer. I dug it out of the Halloween stuff to see what people think.

Phil

Wouldn't that be so cool to go to a school made out of bottles?

Luke

Just concluding a little business. Successfully, I might add!

Phil [from the port-o-potty]

She can't take criticism about her driving. Once an old lady yelled at her at a crosswalk, she honked so long, the horn ran out.

Manny

I mean, for me it's a locker room. For him, it's a showroom.

Jay

Cameron: Don't tell me that was your first moon landing.
Jay: You have a name for it?!?

Displaying all 12 quotes

Modern Family Season 1 Episode 14 Quotes

I mean, for me it's a locker room. For him, it's a showroom.

Jay

Cameron: Don't tell me that was your first moon landing.
Jay: You have a name for it?!?

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