Mitchell: Oh my god. That burger was so good, I feel like I just cheated on you.
Cam: Yeah, I heard the moaning.

• Permalink: Yeah, I heard the moaning.
• Added: May 06, 2015

I gotta stop talking to that kid while I'm drinking.

Jay

• Permalink: I gotta stop talking to that kid while I'm drinking.
• Added: May 06, 2015

I'm not a doctor yet, but it seems like you're having some sort of brain episode.

Alex

• Permalink: I'm not a doctor yet, but it seems like you're having some sort of brain episode.
• Added: May 06, 2015

Jay: Name two cabinet level positions.
Gloria: That's easier. There's the higher one for the glasses, and the lower one for the pots and the pans.

• Permalink: That's easier. There's the higher one for the glasses, and the lower one for the pots and the...
• Added: May 06, 2015

Claire: We were called into Principal Brown's office one week before Alex's graduation.
Phil: That can only mean one of two things. Either she's going to be valedictorian, or they're giving an award for sexiest dad.

• Permalink: That can only mean one of two things. Either she's going to be valedictorian, or they're...
• Added: May 06, 2015

Lily: Mrs. Daniels my projects have too much glitter.
Cam: Okay. Well, she needs a Mr. Daniels, because a project can't have too much pizzazz.

• Permalink: Okay. Well, she needs a Mr. Daniels, because a project can't have too much pizzazz.
• Added: May 06, 2015