Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCModern Family Quotes
Was that before or after you were delivered to my door in a squad car wearing nothing but your underwear and a police hat.
Jay
Look who needs me now? Mr. Hot Dog fingers can't press 'print' without hitting three extra keys. Yeah, in my house now Jay! Technically we'll be in his house, but we'll be in my area of his house.
Phil
Mitchell: Nobody kisses at a bowling alley!
Cam: I almost got a turkey!
Your kids don't need to know who you were before you had them; they need to know who you wish you were, and try to live up to that person. They're gonna fall short, but better they fall short of the fake you than the real you.
Claire
Cameron: I remember once at a New Year's Eve party, stroke of midnight, he high-fived me. Two problems with that: One, gays don't high five. Two, gays don't high five.
I'm gonna go get a beer, beer, beer before I punch you in the head, head, head.
Jay
The computer and the printer must talk, talk, talk/Command P makes the picture walk, walk, walk.
Phil
Don't be coy, what are you waiting for a box of chocolates? Let's do this!
Jay
I love you when you're human.
Phil [to Claire]
Don't carry me out this time, I think it sends the wrong message to Lily.
Mitchell
Phil: Wow, this place has really changed. Time marches on, huh? See that Starbucks down there, you know what that used to be?
Luke: An orange grove?
Phil: No, a Burger King. You can still see some of the architecture.
I know I'm not the handiest guy, but I'm still a man and I want to be able to look out into my yard and say, 'There's a little bit of me in that princess castle.
Mitchell
