That's too much whisky for my frame.

Winston

Nick: What does a man do about that pain?
Schmidt: Takes a bubble bath.

You got hurt on a hog man!

Nick

Just because a scary man yelled his name in your face doesn't mean you can't like sake baths.

Cece

Is this change of plans an overreaction to something?

Jess

I don't understand. Is Toby your name?

Schmidt

You show up sick, you might as well be dead.

Schmidt

Jess: Nick, are you eating raisins from my purse? I confiscated those from a kid.
Nick: That explains why they're so sticky. Sticky Nicky eats anything and I don't get sick.

I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer.

Nick

I'd give you a hug, but my shirt smells pretty weird today.

Nick

Please do not reach for it like you're Winston reaching for someones breast.

Schmidt

Jess: Sometimes I think I was bred in a lab to help people.
Winston: You know what else they bred in a lab? Pugs.

New Girl Quotes

You know what they call Seattle in Portland? North Portland. Or Vancouver's shoe.

Jess

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick