New Girl
Tuesdays 8:30 PM on FOXFavorite New Girl Quotes
If somebody walked in here and saw us, they'd be like, "Look at these two totally normal roommates. I bet they never sucked face." But we did. You sucked my face.
Jess
Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.
Please take that off, you look like a homeless pencil.
Schmidt
So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.
Jess
If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!
Jess
I feel like I wanna murder someone and also I want soft pretzels.
Jess
He's a player. Why would a good looking person ever become a doctor?
Schmidt
I don't know what "mazel tov" means, but it doesn't sound good.
Nick
I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano's phone number just by randomly choosing numbers.
Schmidt
Schmidt: Does it say "share stuff" in the Constitution of America? No, it does not. Nicholas, what does it say?
Nick: Don't share stuff.
No! I can't call Spencer I haven't talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho! Actually, that's not fair. She might be a really nice ho.
Jess
Coincidentally, I'm wearing my lap dance pants!
Schmidt
