Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.

Jess, you can't laugh at a naked man. And especially Nick. Nick is delicate. Like a flower.Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself"


If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!


So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.


I am so sorry you had to hear about it like this. But can we take a minute to celebrate me? It's like I'm having Indian every night!


Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.


Nick: I was sixteen! I have gotten a lot better!
Schmidt: You haven't gotten that much better. I used to listen to you and Caroline all the time when we were in college. It was like listening to a rescue crew trying to communicate with a stranded minor. "Are you ok? Yea. Are you ok? Yea".

The only way to get through it is to get through it.


College Nick: You like rap music? Who's your favorite rapper.
College Schmidt: Brian Austin Green.

Coincidentally, I'm wearing my lap dance pants!


You were so light and charming you were like Pixar Winston.


Jess: $550 for the TV?! Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure, and this is as high as I'll go.
Pawnshop dude: You drew a smiley face.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.


I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"