A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I am so sorry you had to hear about it like this. But can we take a minute to celebrate me? It's like I'm having Indian every night!

Schmidt

I'm worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander.

Winston

So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.

Jess

He's a player. Why would a good looking person ever become a doctor?

Schmidt

I don't know what "mazel tov" means, but it doesn't sound good.

Nick

Jess: $550 for the TV?! Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure, and this is as high as I'll go.
Pawnshop dude: You drew a smiley face.

There's a fine line between sexual harassment and something awesome.

Schmidt

No! I can't call Spencer I haven't talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho! Actually, that's not fair. She might be a really nice ho.

Jess

Jess: Why do we care about a crescent moon?
Winston: I don't know, but I'm gonna live there some day.

Schmidt: I get that. Your business is selling sex. You're a sex worker.
CeCe: You're an idiot.

You're like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, old magician crazy.

Jess [to Schmidt]

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach