New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I am so sorry you had to hear about it like this. But can we take a minute to celebrate me? It's like I'm having Indian every night!

Schmidt

So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.

Jess

I'm worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander.

Winston

He's a player. Why would a good looking person ever become a doctor?

Schmidt

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

Jess: Nick kissed me?
Cece: WHAAAAAAAAAA?

College Nick: You like rap music? Who's your favorite rapper.
College Schmidt: Brian Austin Green.

Coincidentally, I'm wearing my lap dance pants!

Schmidt

He was a merman. He was the last of his kind and he needed a mother for his merchild. He was not a mergentleman.

Girl in the class

Winston, you've been staring at this girl for 5 minutes. Please tell me you're checking her out, otherwise you're a serial killer, which would explain a lot.

Schmidt

There's a fine line between sexual harassment and something awesome.

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 553 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach