He's a player. Why would a good looking person ever become a doctor?

Schmidt

I'm worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander.

Winston

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I am so sorry you had to hear about it like this. But can we take a minute to celebrate me? It's like I'm having Indian every night!

Schmidt

If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!

Jess

So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.

Jess

Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

Winston, you've been staring at this girl for 5 minutes. Please tell me you're checking her out, otherwise you're a serial killer, which would explain a lot.

Schmidt

Jess: Nick kissed me?
Cece: WHAAAAAAAAAA?

College Nick: You like rap music? Who's your favorite rapper.
College Schmidt: Brian Austin Green.

Schmidt: I get that. Your business is selling sex. You're a sex worker.
CeCe: You're an idiot.

New Girl Quotes

You know what they call Seattle in Portland? North Portland. Or Vancouver's shoe.

Jess

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick