Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New-girl

So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.

Jess

I am so sorry you had to hear about it like this. But can we take a minute to celebrate me? It's like I'm having Indian every night!

Schmidt

I'm worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander.

Winston

If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!

Jess

No! I can't call Spencer I haven't talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho! Actually, that's not fair. She might be a really nice ho.

Jess

Nick: Has Jess not talked to you?
Paul: Oh yea, we've talked.
Nick: It's hard, it's really tricky. It's like, she's doesn't love you right, Paul that's not to say she might not fall in love with you later.
Paul. We talked about how we might have to drive you to the airport cause you're gonna miss your flight.
Nick: Yea, that's probably all you talked about so I'm joking.

Schmidt: I get that. Your business is selling sex. You're a sex worker.
CeCe: You're an idiot.

He smells of strong coffee and going to see a man about a horse.

Nick

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

Schmidt: Here's another tip, don't ask a guy out on a first date, on the least sexy holiday in America.
Jess: What are the sexiest holidays in America?
Schmidt: The most sexy holidays are the 4th of July, Independence day obviously. Women's history month, and Christmas.

Nick: I was sixteen! I have gotten a lot better!
Schmidt: You haven't gotten that much better. I used to listen to you and Caroline all the time when we were in college. It was like listening to a rescue crew trying to communicate with a stranded minor. "Are you ok? Yea. Are you ok? Yea".

Jess: Why do we care about a crescent moon?
Winston: I don't know, but I'm gonna live there some day.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 519 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
x Close Ad