Schmidt: Here's another tip, don't ask a guy out on a first date, on the least sexy holiday in America.
Jess: What are the sexiest holidays in America?
Schmidt: The most sexy holidays are the 4th of July, Independence day obviously. Women's history month, and Christmas.

Can someone please get my towel? It's in my room next to my Irish walking cape!

Schmidt

Let's let Winston turn on his black switch. And let his black light shine.

Schmidt

The only way to get through it is to get through it.

CeCe

Schmidt: I get that. Your business is selling sex. You're a sex worker.
CeCe: You're an idiot.

Jess: Why do we care about a crescent moon?
Winston: I don't know, but I'm gonna live there some day.

When Nick leaves, I'm gonna call a plumber and just throw money at him while he works.

Schmidt

Coincidentally, I'm wearing my lap dance pants!

Schmidt

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

He smells of strong coffee and going to see a man about a horse.

Nick

Nick: Has Jess not talked to you?
Paul: Oh yea, we've talked.
Nick: It's hard, it's really tricky. It's like, she's doesn't love you right, Paul that's not to say she might not fall in love with you later.
Paul. We talked about how we might have to drive you to the airport cause you're gonna miss your flight.
Nick: Yea, that's probably all you talked about so I'm joking.

Jess: $550 for the TV?! Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure, and this is as high as I'll go.
Pawnshop dude: You drew a smiley face.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess