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New-girl

Coincidentally, I'm wearing my lap dance pants!

Schmidt

Well I can blanch or I can talk but I can't do both!

Schmidt

When Nick leaves, I'm gonna call a plumber and just throw money at him while he works.

Schmidt

The only way to get through it is to get through it.

CeCe

Jess: Why do we care about a crescent moon?
Winston: I don't know, but I'm gonna live there some day.

You're like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, old magician crazy.

Jess [to Schmidt]

Can someone please get my towel? It's in my room next to my Irish walking cape!

Schmidt

Julia: I don't like you and I don't want to be your friend, so could you leave please, because I'm about to start crying, and you are the last person I want to cry in front of.
Jess: I want to cry too. Where am I supposed to cry? You can't monopolize the bathroom crying space.

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 19 - 27 of 519 in total