I don't know how you get a podcast, but you should look into it.

Nick

Prince is terrible at Frisbee.

Schmidt

It's your birthday, and you won't even eat cake!

Jess

I hate doors!

Nick

I'm a small business owner!

Nick

CeCe: Are you "White Fanging" me?
Schmidt: What?
CeCe: White Fang? The only book you have on your Kindle. The book you wouldn't stop talking about, and I said, "Would you please stop talking about White Fang" and then you said, "Someday, I'm gonna do that to somebody".

Nick: My arms are so sore from doing so many push-ups.
Schmidt: That seems like a lie.

Jess, you know what, I'll let you check my lost and found...got sizes zero through ten.

Schmidt

I don't know if Hogwarts is near San Diego. I've never heard of it.

Nick

Everyone has had sex in my room!

Jess

Nick: Dude, Schmidt lost his vows.
Winston: For the wedding?
Schmidt: No. Different vows.
Winston: Oh, then what's the big deal?
Schmidt: What is wrong with you people?

It's like my hearing is what a dog hears.

Jess

New Girl Quotes

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick