I'm a very good secretary

Nick

I thought you said you were afraid of camping and nature. You said you were afraid a fly was going to fly in your head and learn all your thoughts.

Jess

It's your birthday, and you won't even eat cake!

Jess

I just want to be slapped around!

Winston

Nick: Schmidt, I have to ask you a favor. It's about my clothes.
Schmidt: Burn them! Burn them all!

This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere!

Schmidt

Can't spell sex without the 'ex.'

Coach

I should have known those beets weren't from nature. Nothing purple comes from nature.

Nick

I always thought we'd be going bowling before we want to an Indian marriage convention.

Sam

She's older--MUCH older--DEEPLY Korean.

Schmidt

He lost five pounds, he gained confidence with women, and he saw the movie "Multiplicity" 25 times.

Nick

You're like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, old magician crazy.

Jess [to Schmidt]

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach