It's good for you! It's corn!

Bob

Ten years? You guys are like Bert and Ernie.

Jess

Sam: Hi - are you Katie? I'm Sam from CupidMatch.
Jess: And I'm the girl from my dreams of you.

Open your cellar doors, and let us taste your jams.

Schmidt

I simply want a demographic breakdown of all the guys who hit on you.

Schmidt

It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut.

Nick

What makes Abby's jewelry so interesting is that it is dangerous and can cut you

Schmidt

Nick has a crush on a girl who is completely out of his league.

Winston

Why are you putting spoons in the laundry hamper?

Schmidt

Pink wine makes me slutty.

Jess

This woman is engaged. Her number belongs to God now, thank you.

Schmidt

Nick: I'm trying my hardest to look poor.
Winston: You are poor.

New Girl Quotes

You know what they call Seattle in Portland? North Portland. Or Vancouver's shoe.

Jess

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick