Eat glass and die you tramp!

Mrs. Roz

They make shoes for your penis! They're called pants!

Schmidt

Winston: Where are your eyes?
Students: On the tiger.

Jess: I got laid off.
Winston: What!?
Nick: Are you serious?
Schmidt: Obama...

Sam: Ice it, 24 hours. Keep it elevated.
Nick: He even exits cool

Guys, we've gone soft! With our antibiotics and our sports creams!

Nick

Puzzle me this then, Winston-- how do you live with yourself?

Schmidt

So yeah, I was dating them both at the same time. I'm a mess, I can't sleep, I urinate constantly. I cried the other day listening to a techno song. My tweets have been extremely literal.

Schmidt

My whole life is you.

Schmidt

I said chill day in, but did I mean it?

Jess

Nick: Jess, you know I don't dance.
Jess: Oh but you didn't know I do this. I'm mime walking. I'm Mime-chael Jackson.

Jess: I just want to say I'm honored you're trusting me.
Schmidt: Oh, I'm not.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach