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New-girl

No! I can't call Spencer I haven't talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho! Actually, that's not fair. She might be a really nice ho.

Jess

Jess, you know what, I'll let you check my lost and found...got sizes zero through ten.

Schmidt

I'm doing sexy things with the pillow.

Jess

Jess: So Coach said they used to play basketball in college, but then Winston went pro?
Schmidt: In Latvia, okay? He went pro in Latvia. It's a big difference. The team logo is a fig. Just one single fig!

Jess (about Winston, the new roommate): I'm so excited to meet him!
Nick: No Jess, he's sleeping. He flew in late last night, we took him straight to the bar, took a bunch of shots, got drunk, screamed I love America.Now he's happily passed out.

Waitress: You're all on a date?
Nick: Yeah, we're her boyfriends. We're reverse Mormons - one guy just isn't enough for her.

Schmidt: I'll take you through the whole thing. I'll be like your guide.
Jess: Like Gandolf through Middle Earth?
Schmidt: Probably not like... Okay, first of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave, where no one's gonna find them. Ever.
Jess: Except Smeagle. He lives in a cave.

He's so soft, like a towel.

Jess

No teeth! You can't use prop teeth!

Nick

I have to get to school cause it's astronomy day and I'm dressing up as Galileo, so I have to put on my beard.

Jess

Schmidt: We don't want to be mean, we just don't want you to be yourself...in any way.
Jess: Okay. Suppress the Jess. Got it.

I really just want to get in there and ush this wedding in the face!

Winston
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 530 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
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