New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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Well I can blanch or I can talk but I can't do both!

Schmidt

Don't laugh when they call him "responsible," they don't know why it's hilarious.

Schmidt

Boob season's over, for you!

Jess

I don't know the words!

Jess

Jess: I didn't really know your dad, except for that one hour when I committed fraud with him.
Nick: That's all there is to know.

They make shoes for your penis! They're called pants!

Schmidt

Schmidt: We don't want to be mean, we just don't want you to be yourself...in any way.
Jess: Okay. Suppress the Jess. Got it.

Dammit! Been trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. It's like a taffy pole on a hot summer's day.

Schmidt

I really just want to get in there and ush this wedding in the face!

Winston

Nick: Just stop being so nice!
Jess: Your mother's being so nice.
Nick: Slam on my mother.
Jess: Your mother's gonna slam on your mother.

Jess: Why are you guys hugging?
Nick: Just Guy Talking.
Paul: About uh, how moved we are about jazz music.
Nick: That's a lie. I told him you didn't love him.
Jess: What?!
Paul: But he said it nicely!

CeCe: Make sure you use protection.
Schmidt: CeCe, she's a foreigner. What do you think I am? An idiot?

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 553 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach