Jess, you know what, I'll let you check my lost and found...got sizes zero through ten.

Schmidt

No! I can't call Spencer I haven't talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho! Actually, that's not fair. She might be a really nice ho.

Jess

Pink wine makes me slutty.

Jess

Jess: $550 for the TV?! Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure, and this is as high as I'll go.
Pawnshop dude: You drew a smiley face.

So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.

Jess

Schmidt: Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Jess [in a British accent]: Probably the slut butler, right!

I really just want to get in there and ush this wedding in the face!

Winston

Schmidt: We don't want to be mean, we just don't want you to be yourself...in any way.
Jess: Okay. Suppress the Jess. Got it.

No teeth! You can't use prop teeth!

Nick

He's so soft, like a towel.

Jess

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

We just started dating so were still in that honeymoon phase. I barely sleep. So much doing it.

Jess

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Cece: You know that guy I'm dating?
Schmidt: Buster, your child bride?