Sum up the last two years? The country's broke. Betty White came back.

Schmidt

Coach: Do people call you 'Marketing'?
Schmidt: No...not yet...

My face touched the mustache of a corpse today, Bobby. I'm not afraid of you.

Schmidt

You've all thought about me while self-completing!?

Jess

Burquas isn't you guys, is it?

Jess

That's more like dork magic.

Nick

Nick: I'm gonna have to turn off the tap!
Jess: What tap?
Nick: The sex tap!
Jess: But I need my vitamin D!

You're getting your scent all over my pillow. It took me months to get rid of that heavenly curry smell.

Schmidt [to Cece]

Winston: Nick could be your lawyer.
Schmidt: This Nick? Vivica A. Dropout?

I just need to get to Rachel before he tells her horrible-slash-true things about me.

Schmidt

You got hurt on a hog man!

Nick

Is this change of plans an overreaction to something?

Jess

New Girl Quotes

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt