Jess: What's the secret?
Sadie: It's about love, understanding and two sets of boobs!

Cece: You know that guy I'm dating?
Schmidt: Buster, your child bride?

Burquas isn't you guys, is it?

Jess

You're the deer! He wants to kill you! You're the deer!

Nick

Jess: So you want us to come out so that you can go back to hooking up with all the hot teachers?
Coach: Very much so.

Believe it or not, that's not the first time someone's broken my feeling stick. I have a travel size.

Jess

Jess: I didn't really know your dad, except for that one hour when I committed fraud with him.
Nick: That's all there is to know.

What's going on? Did you guys watch porn together again? Why do you keep doing that? It's always awkward!

Jess

She is sleeping. By herself. Which is called napping.

Nick

Oh my God, there's two of them!

Nick

Jess: You're too late. I'm in love. With Winston.
Winston: You know, it just got stuck up there so far, so quickly.

I was the ninth guy off the bench for the eighth-best team in Latvia.

Winston

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess