Let's concentrate on the smite later.

Schmidt

Nick: Dude, Schmidt lost his vows.
Winston: For the wedding?
Schmidt: No. Different vows.
Winston: Oh, then what's the big deal?
Schmidt: What is wrong with you people?

I know you're not a stripper, but is there any way you can take your short pants off?

Jess

Jess: I just want to say I'm honored you're trusting me.
Schmidt: Oh, I'm not.

I don't like kids, I don't like teaching, I just like paychecks.

Coach

Caroline is way hotter than that voice in my head who sounds like Tom Waits and tells me I look bad in hats.

Nick

Nick: I'm trying my hardest to look poor.
Winston: You are poor.

You know I helped the lady give birth in the kitchen?

Winston

Pink wine makes me slutty.

Jess

I'm not willing to turn our home into a public pool.

Schmidt

You what's fly? Cleaning is fly. Cleaning's cool dude.

Nick

Have I ever made any decisions in my whole life? Are we just living in the mind of a giant?

Winston

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt