Why lie? You know how many Millers have been or currently are in jail?

Nick

Have you seen a girl who looks like me, but with chaos in her eyes?

Jess

Ooh, bonus shot of Dad getting a haircut while eating spaghetti!

Jess

Girl, I got an obligation...at a...sandwich...meeting.

Winston

Crazy girls are kind of my 'Hurt Locker.'

Schmidt

She is sleeping. By herself. Which is called napping.

Nick

I've got an uncle whose God-given name is 'Shifty.'

Nick

Jess, can I borrow your glasses? We're going to roleplay as you guys.

Schmidt

What makes Abby's jewelry so interesting is that it is dangerous and can cut you

Schmidt

Quit sorting through my trash, Coach! You're messing it all up!

Schmidt

You're Abby Freakin' Day. You can do whatever you want. Except vote.

Jess

Jess: Why does your bottom need to breathe?
Nick: It's like a plant. It needs sun and air.

New Girl Quotes

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.

Nick