Nick: I know where you live!
Jess: And I live where you live!

• Permalink: And I live where you live!
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What's up, Coach? You have so many sweatpants! You need to buy normal pants!

Jess

• Permalink: What's up, Coach? You have so many sweatpants! You need to buy normal pants!
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Jess: Nick calls birds 'wind-mice.' Nick says 'yahtzee' when he climaxes. He calls turtles 'shell-beavers.'
Nick: Well, that's what they should be called.

• Permalink: Well, that's what they should be called.
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Well, this just in, the dress code for Winston's banquet tonight is...optional.

Schmidt

• Permalink: Well, this just in, the dress code for Winston's banquet tonight is...optional.
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Nick: My arms are so sore from doing so many push-ups.
Schmidt: That seems like a lie.

• Permalink: That seems like a lie.
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I'm like a Hebrew cheetah.

Schmidt

• Permalink: I'm like a Hebrew cheetah.
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Nobody's getting pregnant tonight!...That's the same thing I say on my dates.

Winston

• Permalink: Nobody's getting pregnant tonight!...That's the same thing I say on my dates.
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Your asses belong to me now, which means I currently have four asses.

Coach

• Permalink: Your asses belong to me now, which means I currently have four asses.
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Jess: Where are you guys going?
Biology Teacher: In life, nowhere.

• Permalink: In life, nowhere.
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I don't want a refund on my cruise and I don't want a refund on you!

Nick

• Permalink: I don't want a refund on my cruise and I don't want a refund on you!
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Six hundred dollars! That's six hundred one-dollar bills. That's the only way I can imagine it.

Nick

• Permalink: Six hundred dollars! That's six hundred one-dollar bills. That's the only way I can imagine it.
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I take dumps standing up! I'm a man!

Coach

• Permalink: I take dumps standing up! I'm a man!
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