I just want to be slapped around!

Winston

Jess: So you want us to come out so that you can go back to hooking up with all the hot teachers?
Coach: Very much so.

If you died, I'd be lost!

Nick

Eat glass and die you tramp!

Mrs. Roz

You got girl trouble, get a crystal!

Winston

Schmidt: Come on Gina, give me a shot at red potatoes.
Gina: No way cause I need ya. You're the best sort of mid-level employee I've ever had. You are the ass to my horse and I'm gonna keep you right here, right by my side where I can find ya, forever.

I will say only one thing about that man that I've only said about Ryan Gosling...hot damn!

Winston

Schmidt: Ahh! A spider!
Nick: Jess, why did you do that? You know how he gets, he turns into a cartoon elephant of yesteryear who just saw a mouse.

Jess: There he is! Mr. New York. Mr. Broadway. Happy last day, I made you this.
Coach: It's a bunch of pictures of you.
Jess: Well, I had to take the necessary precautions because the last time you left, you forgot who I was. You called me Jebecka.

Winston: Live from New York, it's Coach's goodbye!
Jess: Show's over.
Winston: We ain't doing this?

Nick: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can't get rid of it.
Coach: It's not and you have to.
Schmidt: Everything you own is trash.
Coach: You're basically a hoarder.
Nick: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.

I found an ant farm filled with candy wrappers, is this essential?

Nick

New Girl Quotes

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.

Nick