Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX

Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!


Damn it! I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!


Schmidt's world is different than ours. They speak a different language. They shorten every word to one syllable. Last month, he went to a party called "Bros Before Hos on the Moon". What does that even mean!?


Coincidentally, I'm wearing my lap dance pants!


Schmidt: Tonight was tens across the board. No splash. Nobody's ever done anything like that for me before.
Jess: Anytime, Schmidt. Anytime.

Benjamin [referring to Jess]: Are you hitting that?
Schmidt: What? No!
Benjamin: Then I think I'll help myself...to sex with your friend.

Displaying all 6 quotes