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New-girl

Did you see the JWOWW retweet of the Gaga twitpic?

Female interviewer

Jess, you can't laugh at a naked man. And especially Nick. Nick is delicate. Like a flower.Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself"

Schmidt

Believe it or not, that's not the first time someone's broken my feeling stick. I have a travel size.

Jess

Nick: Get out, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm the only one who hasn't seen it!

Schmidt: Just suck in your gut
Nick: What gut?
Jess: The little pooch where you keep your extra cookies.

Sum up the last two years? The country's broke. Betty White came back.

Schmidt

Nick: Jess, you know I don't dance.
Jess: Oh but you didn't know I do this. I'm mime walking. I'm Mime-chael Jackson.

Yea! He has me...and our baby! And our other baby!

Jess

So what I need you to do is this. I need you to put vodka in a water bottle, ok? Then rendezvous with me in the restroom.

Schmidt
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