Believe it or not, that's not the first time someone's broken my feeling stick. I have a travel size.

Jess

Nick: Get out, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm the only one who hasn't seen it!

Schmidt: Just suck in your gut
Nick: What gut?
Jess: The little pooch where you keep your extra cookies.

Sum up the last two years? The country's broke. Betty White came back.

Schmidt

Nick: Jess, you know I don't dance.
Jess: Oh but you didn't know I do this. I'm mime walking. I'm Mime-chael Jackson.

Yea! He has me...and our baby! And our other baby!

Jess

So what I need you to do is this. I need you to put vodka in a water bottle, ok? Then rendezvous with me in the restroom.

Schmidt

We just started dating so were still in that honeymoon phase. I barely sleep. So much doing it.

Jess

He's so soft, like a towel.

Jess

No teeth! You can't use prop teeth!

Nick

Schmidt: We don't want to be mean, we just don't want you to be yourself...in any way.
Jess: Okay. Suppress the Jess. Got it.

I really just want to get in there and ush this wedding in the face!

Winston

New Girl Quotes

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick