Nick doesn't have a life plan. He doesn't have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, "Put on pants."

Jess

I call it a "Temple Grandin," because it makes me friendly and compassionate.

Jess

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess

Schmidt, you stole my toothpaste while I was using it. That's vindictive.

Jess

Winston: Schmidt, you can't move out! Who's gonna do my fades?!
Jess: Yeah, who's gonna do his fades?!

I'm having a party tonight and I can't have him lying on the couch, wiping his tears with deli meat.

Jess

Nick: It's Schmidt we're talking about here. After we saw the movie "Titanic," he started the Billy Zane Fan Club.
Jess: What?!
Nick: Look it up. They're called Zane-iacs.

Jess: I have to show Nick...something in the bathroom.
Nick: It's tiles...I'm so bad at lying! It's for sex!

Nick: You know so many "Spaceballs" quotes.
Jess: They jammed the radar with literal jam!

Nick: I believe horses are from outer space--
Jess: I believe that, too!

Jess: Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing.
Nick: That's the only thing in the world I know to be true.

Why are you talking to me like a James Taylor song?

Jess

New Girl Quotes

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick