Night Court
Tuesdays 8:00 PM on NBCNight Court Quotes
Abby got invited to the Manhattan Heritage Club? The premiere club for legal elites in New York City? The club that I have dreamed of joining ever since I realized the pure joy of excluding people?
Olivia
Jeff: Care to bet on the outcome like in the old days, Dan?
Dan: Sadly, I’m no longer a gambling man. So, say five hundred?
Jeff: Easy money. She looks like a pushover.
Dan: Oh, sweet Jeff, you’re going to wish you died at sea.
Jeff: The DA’s office takes the concerns of jurists like yourself very seriously. Let’s get a meeting on the books.
Abby: Never had a meeting on the books. I’ve had a meeting about books. Back home when they tried to ban Cat in the Hat for being pro-mischief.
Jeff: So the rumors are true. You’re a public defender now?
Dan: Jeff DeWitt. I’d heard you’d drowned on the Lehman Brothers’ boat.
Jeff: You wish. They do women and children LAST.
Olivia, you feeling okay? I mean, I know you don’t like being here, but tonight, it actually shows.
Gurgs
Neil: Next case, the City of New York versus Captain James T. Kush. He was arrested for growing and selling marijuana on his charter boat.
Abby: Hold on. Yes, this is the least surprised I’ve ever been.
Dan: Your Honor, my client runs a respectable business beloved by college students, deadheads, and Woody Harrelson.
Kush: Plus, Your Excellency, I was in international waters. My only judge should be the sea.
Abby: Uh, you were in the East River. That is not international, nor water.
Abby: I know how to solve this. I’m going to cut the dress in two and each of you can have half.
Kaitlyn: Why would we do that?
Jessica: That would just ruin the dress.
Abby: Was trying to do the Solomon thing? From the Bible. It’s like Game of Thrones but people like the ending more.
Dan: Well, you know, big moments make us really miss those who are gone. It’s inevitable. But you have to live your life. And it’s time you start your life with… Again, Rand? Rand. I mean, it’s almost like a name but not quite.
Abby: Isn’t your real name Reinhold?
Dan: Uh huh, okay. So you know stuff.
Thrupples, man. Someone always ends up crying in the bathroom.
Gurgs
Who knew there were so many hairstyles? In Skaneateles, we only had two. Bangs and Horse.
Abby
As someone who has been a maid of honor five times and a Best Gurgs twice, I can tell you the job isn’t about lists and dress line-ups. It’s about having fun. And I’ve already cornered that market. Two words – PENIS. GAVEL.
Gurgs
Abby: Okay, let’s do it. It’ll be fun!
Dan: Weddings aren’t about fun. They’re about ruthlessly getting whatever you want. Which is fun. It is about fun. You said that?
