I used to think you were a yellow dandelion, but you are all dried up with the puff blown off. But that's all right. You are who you are like I am who I am.

Crazy Eyes

Piper: I spent a lot of time wondering if it would matter if I died.
Nicky: In the macro sense, no. You're one Cheerio in the bulk box of life. But, you f*ckin' tickle me, so I think it would matter.

Piper: I am so so so sorry. I had no idea he was going to say those things.
Miss Claudette: Is that what you think of me?

Hey Kate Winslet, see any icebergs?


OK. Here's some advice. When a girl makes you come the way that I do, you pretend that you're excited to see her.


Piper: Why do you always feel so inevitable to me?
Alex: I heart you.

God has chosen to test our conviction.


Lesbians can be very dangerous. It's the testosterone.


Piper: I'm not you wife.
Crazy Eyes: I threw my pie for you.

Why would anyone ever give up being a man? That's like winning the lottery and giving back the ticket.


Pornstache: How did you survive infancy?
Pennasatucky: My auntie helped my mama.
Pornstache: That was a rhetorical question. Don't you understand what the hell a rhetorical question is?!

Piper: I'm not mean. I didn't mean to be mean to you.
Crazy Eyes: You gotta start from the inside out or else you'll step on the clean.

Orange is the New Black Quotes

All I wanted was to eat the chicken that was smarter than other chickens and to absorb its power and enjoy a nice Chicken Kiev but, oh well.


I like hot girls. And I like hot boys. I like hot people. What can I say? I'm shallow.