I used to think you were a yellow dandelion, but you are all dried up with the puff blown off. But that's all right. You are who you are like I am who I am.

Crazy Eyes

No. This year I'm lovin' someone who deserves me. Me.


Piper: Why do you always feel so inevitable to me?
Alex: I heart you.

Hey Kate Winslet, see any icebergs?


Black Cindy: Yo, what's your sign.
Poussey: Yo. My sign is get your ass up and help me with this shit.

You seem depressed, even for prison. You know, if you ever want to talk about it, that's what counselors are for (laughs).


God has chosen to test our conviction.


Lesbians can be very dangerous. It's the testosterone.


Piper: I'm not you wife.
Crazy Eyes: I threw my pie for you.

You think this is the first time I've heard about the chicken? It's popular fiction. It's like global warming and female ejaculation.


Pornstache: How did you survive infancy?
Pennasatucky: My auntie helped my mama.
Pornstache: That was a rhetorical question. Don't you understand what the hell a rhetorical question is?!

OK. Here's some advice. When a girl makes you come the way that I do, you pretend that you're excited to see her.


Orange is the New Black Quotes

No, in your heart of hearts, you know as well as I do, red velvet is bullsh*t. It tastes like Play-Doh. It is not velvety. And the only thing that's good about it is the cream cheese frosting, which is mean to live on top of carrot cake, like God intended.


All I wanted was to eat the chicken that was smarter than other chickens and to absorb its power and enjoy a nice Chicken Kiev but, oh well.