Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks-and-recreation

Hey, Jerry? April was just double checking the lunch order. Do you want the salmon or the twout?

Tom

This is the only copy, and I'm going to destroy it. Right after I watch it one more time. I'm sorry but it is so, good.

Leslie

That segment was a disaster. Don't you ever [expletive] me like that again. This is Pawnee [expletive] Today! Do you know that I bumped a cat that can stand up on his hinders for you?

Joan

I came on today because I have some very important information to share. I finally saw Avatar and I thought it lived up to the hype.

Carl

I got you one of those veggie muffins you're always eating. Tastes like a rug.

Andy

Leslie: Why didn't you just tell everybody the truth?
Jerry: Are you kidding me? Imagine what Tom would have said.
Leslie: Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What'd you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife?

Carl: There's been 10 assaults already this year.
Leslie: Wow, really? Can't you station a park ranger out here?
Carl: We have! Who do you think they're assaulting? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell.

Tom: This thing is a mess.
Carl: We used to have three cars actually. The first one got pushed into the creek by some kids. The second one raccoons got onto. There was urine everywhere. And the third one was recently stolen.
Tom: What's this one?
Carl: This is the second one. The raccoon piss one.

Yeah I've always been a bit of an outdoorsman. When I was a kid, my parents used to make me hang out in the backyard a lot and just run around 'til I got tired. But if there's any criminals out there watching, I never get tired. And ladies too.

Carl
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