Favorite Reaper Quotes
Driver: Go to Hell, jerk!
Devil: I'll meet you there, Bruce. You know that little thing on his neck? Not a freckle
Ben: You know, I've never seen a dead body up close before. It's messed up.
Sock: I know, right? I mean, you'd think that seeing Scarface all those times, I'd be better prepared for that, but...
Andi: You know what, Ted? You caught me. I stole the eight bucks.
Ted: I see.
Andi: Yep. I was saving to buy you a girlfriend. I assume you're okay with the plastic variety
Wow, I'm not usually a morning person but I kind of like knocking a soul off first thing
Sam
Devil: Holidays always depress me.
Sam: Holidays? What? Halloween? I thought you'd love this time of year.
Devil: I detest it with every fiber of my being. Back when it was the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, now that... that was a holiday. Dead rising from their graves, damaging crops, causing trouble. Good times.
Sam: But now you hate it.
The Devil: It's the commercialization of evil. the one day when not a soul on Earth fears me, or even believes in me. I become a party gag. A plastic mask.
Sam: It's only one day out of the year.
Devil: Are you trying to make me feel better, Sam?
Sam: Yeah, I guess I am.
Ben: Nobody's hurting Winston.
Sam: Who's Winston?
Ben: The bird.
Sam: You... named the vessel?
Sock: Dude, Winston is not a bird's name, Ben.
Ben: Okay, well you tell me what a bird's name is.
Sock: I don't know, uh, how about Flappy? Or Paul
The Butcher? That's a pretty good name. Yeah, if I was a serial killer I'd want my name to be something more effective, like Murder Man or Killbot
Sock
So, Ted hears my voice coming out of the toilet, and he says, "God, is that you?" And I said, "Yes, Ted, this is God, and I've got Abraham Lincoln with me, and we both think you're an enormous douche bag." And then he started crying, going, "Ooh, ooh, Honest Abe, please forgive me"
Leon
Devil: Sam, if I can impart to you one piece of knowledge, just one kernel of truth that I've gleaned over the entirety of my existence, it would be this. Betrayal is the defining trait of humanity. Your friends will always let you down. The girl will always leave.
Sam: That's not true.
Devil: Yes it is. And your so-called friends have proven my point. You know, you're not angry at Leon. You're just upset because you're realizing the weakness of your species. The most untrustworthy, unreliable creatures on this Earth... Except for bears
You know, in a way, I'm the most trustworthy person you know. And that's just sad
Devil
Devil: Sam, I invented therapy. Okay? So that the wicked could justify their actions.
Sam: I'm starting to be able to figure out when you're lying as well
Customer: How much for the flat screen?
Sock: A million dollars. Try Best Buy
