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I could never hate you, and not for lack of trying. It's just that after seeing Aiden today, I think you deserve more than you're getting.


Emily: Daniel and I are nothing like you and Conrad.
Victoria: We're more alike than you think.

[to Sara] It took until today to realize that Emily and my mother are the same person and I do not want to marry my mother.


Rohan: We're taught after our mission is complete, never to mention it again.
Nolan: Don't brag after a shag. Got it.

[to Victoria] You think you're protecting your son, but your psycho obsession's only hurting him. Let him go.


Victoria: Gather around everyone. We're going to play a little game. Conrad, Daniel, come here!
Daniel: Since when does my mother play games?

Contrary to what they say, the secret to staying happily married is secrecy.


[to Aiden] Rule number 17, no fish for breakfast. Rule number 18, no killing on the premises. Rule to be disregarded if my life is in danger. Ah, most importantly, 19. Always give a heads up call before coming home. I am on the rebound, so, bitch, don't kill my vibe.


Did she happen to see that I made People's Sexiest Man Alive list, right behind Joel McHale?

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