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J.D.: Holy inferiority complex Batman! How low is my self esteem that I'm the sidekick in my own fantasy?
Turk: It could be worse. You could be Alfred the butler.
J.D.: Damn you, sir

I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.


J.D.: Turk practically had sex in the on call room.
Dr. Cox: You realise I have no idea who Turk is, but good for him! edit

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

Was she always wearing that big hat?

Dr. Cox

Giddyup, Dr. Dorkian!


J.D.: I know! But who cares? I got all the time in the world. I mean, I'm only turning thirty.
Kid: Thirty?
Kid #2: No one's thirty.
J.D.: Where did all these unsupervised children come from?

Dr. Cox: Newbie, gimme a break, of course you're going, as a matter of fact I'd like you to be the boy's godfather.
J.D.: (Choking up)
Dr. Cox:

Janitor: Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah! Movin' a little quick there aren't we bub. Got a story to tell me?
Dr. Cox: Here's a story. It's called the security guard who was sodomized with his own nightstick.
Janitor: Why don't we just consider this a warning?
Dr. Cox: Yeah.

Todd: Dr. Wen threatened to sew my butt cheeks together.
Turk: And yet you continue to eat chili.
Todd: Dude I'm takin' the cheese off

J.D.: So! How you guys gonna celebrate your divorce?
Turk: By not inviting you!

Dr. Cox: But you hate me?!
Dr. Kelso: Like nuts in brownies, Captain

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 4008 in total

Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: My man Turk, is getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly! Ah! What up, dogg!
J.D.'s narration: Once every 4.2 seconds a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for... luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: What did you just say?
J.D.: "What up...dogg?"

And there it was, the moment where pity was turning into genuine affection - classic Dorian.