Dr. Kelso: Ahhh! Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name.
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?

Elliot: I'd like to remember all the carpal bones in the hand with a simple mnemonic device: Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquetral, Pisiform, Trapezium, Trapezoid, Capitate and Hamate. Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can't Handle.
Keith: Hey?!?!
Elliot: It was not directed at you, Doctor.

Lady: Love your Hairmet.
J.D.: Love yours!

J.D.: My high school teacher Mr. Peters died. He was a great guy.
Turk: You okay?
J.D.'s Narration: Even though I see death all the time now, I still react the exact same way I did when I was a kid.
J.D.: Doin' a lot better than Mr. Peters.
Turk: Dude!

Dr. Cox: So baby Charlie is the bald one?
Jordan: Yeah. He wouldn't be smiling so much if he knew how ugly his parents were.
Dr. Cox: You're a sexy bitch.
Jordan: Thanks

Keith: Heeey...
Jordan: Sparky, it's five dollars a minute to stare in public. It's free in private...

Carla: Dr. Kelso?
Dr. Kelso: What?
Carla: The crows are back. They're making your pimp-mobile look like SpinArt.

Elliot: So, I waxed my legs at home last night.
Carla: Yeah, how did that go?
Elliot: Not great, I can't do it. I'd rather die hairy.

Dr. Cox: In response to the beastiality rumor circulating about you, I've decided to forego calling you by the usual girl's name and instead I'm going to be referring to you by whatever famous dog I can think of. I've gone with Lassie because of course that satisfies the critera of being both a girl and a dog's name, thus helping you ease into the transition.
J.D.: I was just running kissing drills.
Dr. Cox: That's completely normal then.

J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes the best thing to do, is just to say exactly what's in your heart.
J.D.: I'm sorry I puked on your shoes.
Danni: I'm sorry I wore sandals.

Aww don't bother with that Trish, you know I've been getting my hair cut by my barber "Big Frank" for seventeen years now, is it because his prices have remained the same? No, is it because I like the way his man breasts feel gently resting on my shoulders when he does my sideburns? A little, yes, but mainly it's because, unlike you, he does just exactly what I tell him to do. You see, it's either my way or the highway and since you've already broken that dictum, (claps and whistles) you're out!

Dr. Cox

Dr. Kelso: There he is!
Dr. Townshend: Missed you on our morning jog, Bobby. What is that now, about two hundred days in a row?
Dr. Kelso: You're a pistol!
J.D.: The only place this guy's running to is to a bakery! Who's got me up high?
Dr. Kelso: Ehhh.
Dr. Townshend: Uh, mistake you made there, J.D.: You didn't pat his belly - it soothes him.
J.D.: Ahhh. Dammit.

Scrubs Quotes

Elliot: I'd like to remember all the carpal bones in the hand with a simple mnemonic device: Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquetral, Pisiform, Trapezium, Trapezoid, Capitate and Hamate. Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can't Handle.
Keith: Hey?!?!
Elliot: It was not directed at you, Doctor.

Dr. Kelso: Ahhh! Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name.
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?