Baby, you mean so much to me. That's why you my baby. And, yeah, there were babies before you, but I promise you, baby, you will be my baby forever, baby... Stop saying "baby"!

Turk

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

Lady: Love your Hairmet.
J.D.: Love yours!

Head loves karaoke.

J.D.

Turk: Want some of my pancakes?
J.D.: Ah, devil-cakes! No thank you.

Thirty four, thirty five, thirty six... Todd, you have thirty seven complaints of sexual harassment!

Carla

It's never easy when someone accuses you of screwing up, especially when you know it's true. When that happens you can't track it off, because in a hospital the best way to learn from your mistakes is to carry them with you...

J.D.'s Narration

J.D.: Hey, buddy.
Dr. Casey: Hey... hey... Uh, give-give me a minute, will you?
J.D.: No, Kevin, I have to talk to you right now.
Dr. Casey: DAMMIT!
J.D.: Later's cool too.

J.D.: So you steal my research project, and now you want me to do your dirty work?
Lonnie: Dr. Cox said that if you said that, I'm to say "That's right Melinda!"

Sean! Sean! Okay... Look, I know you hate long-distance relationships, but six months is nothing! I mean, it'll be hard and we'd be going a long time without sex, but I can totally go that long without sex! Sean, I am a sex camel!

Elliot

Jordan: Remember when my dog died, you told me he went to doggie hell? And then you told me my mom was going to go to doggy hell when she dies?
Cox: Because of her doggy face?
Jordan: Right!

Ow! Look, no harm done. Here are your driving glasses... here's your driving scarf... and here are your driving gloves... Fine... here's your driving sock.

J.D.

Scrubs Quotes

Lady: Love your Hairmet.
J.D.: Love yours!

Carla: This guy's sick.
J.D.: Thanks.