J.D. [to Cox]: you won't admit this, but you're in love with Carla.
Carla: No, he's not.
Dr. Cox: Actually, I am.
Carla: You're starting again.
J.D.: And Carla, you're mad that Turk didn't trust you enough to tell you.
Turk: See? Trust, woman, trust!
J.D.: Whatever. The point is that Turk is sorry.
Turk: Not anymore!
Carla: I can't believe you thought he was a threat.
Dr. Cox: I'm a threat!
Carla: You're not in love with me, you idealize me.
J.D.: Can we just try and stay focused...
Turk: You're mad 'cause I'm scared of losing you?
Carla: Yes, because we're stronger than that!
Dr. Cox: Apparently not!

J.D.'s Thoughts: Wait, is she in to me? Quick, make a bad joke and see if she laughs.
J.D.: Did you hear the one about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party? He had no body to go with.
Neena: That's really funny!
J.D.'s Narration: Well that's not a fair test - that joke's hilarious.

Dr. Kelso: Now if any of you other would-be revelers get the urge to dress up on this, the mother of all non-holidays, please consider me the razor blade in your caramel apple. We're professionals, dammit! You know... it's nothing personal, son... you just make me sick.
Doug: He called me son! He called me son!
J.D.: Score.

Turk: Why isn't the band playing?
Laverne: In a word? Shrimps. Nasty, one-day-old shrimp. The band got into 'em while we was waiting at the church for your sorry ass.

J.D.: Yeeeeaaaah, I'm gonna need you to go back in there and use some form of the word "die" - dead, dying, deadsies, Deadwood - your choice.
Keith: What was the middle one?
J.D.: Deadsies.

Turk: Baby, listen, I'm just trying to keep my man psyched, 'cause since I've known J.D., he's never broken up with anyone.
J.D.: He's right. I don't like hurting people. But with Danni, I'm gonna do the honorable thing - I'm gonna have someone in a fireman's outfit tell her I burned to death.

Turk's Narration: Man, the way Dr. Miller stares makes me all itchy. What can I say to let her know I'm in control?
Turk: Have you ever slept with a black man?
Dr. Miller: Just finish the procedure please.
Turk's Narration: That's a yes! And now her mind will drift back to that wonderful day. Wait for it... And there it is.
Turk: Dr. Miller, please, feel free to drift off. Although there is a lot of bleeding.

J.D.: So Mrs. Carter, it turns out your fever is just a reaction to the anestetic we gave you during your catarct surgury. I'm sending you home.
Mrs. Carter: Can I drive my Trans-Am?
J.D.: That's not up to me Mrs. Carter, its up to the police and the owner of those horses you killed.
Mrs. Carter: They were everywhere.
J.D.: You were on a race track Mrs. Carter.

Powerful tiny fists...

J.D.

Elliot: J.D., look, even though I decided to send Mrs. Kahn to surgery, I know that you were just trying to help me in your own...sucky way. And... I over-reacted, and that's something I've been working on in therapy to not do as much.
J.D.: But, I still think you should have gone with my "wait and see" approach.
Elliot: Well, you're not the boss of me!

Molly: So, where were we?
J.D.: Er... we weren't talking.
Molly: Was it 'cause of something you did? 'Cause I'm totally over it. I don't even remember what it was.
J.D.: No, I mean like, we've never talked.
Molly: How do I know your name then?
J.D.: You don't.
Molly: You're freaking me out Jimmy.
J.D.: It's Johnny.
J.D.'s thoughts: Why would you say Johnny? You hate Johnny.

Turk: Wussuuuuuuuup, Bry-Bry! You, my friend, have just won the lottery. I'm not saying I'm good, but if there was a surgeon awards show around here, it'd be called The Turkies. You know what I'm sayin'?
Dr. Cox: (To Brian) You don't have to know what he's sayin' - none of us do.

Scrubs Quotes

J.D. [to Cox]: you won't admit this, but you're in love with Carla.
Carla: No, he's not.
Dr. Cox: Actually, I am.
Carla: You're starting again.
J.D.: And Carla, you're mad that Turk didn't trust you enough to tell you.
Turk: See? Trust, woman, trust!
J.D.: Whatever. The point is that Turk is sorry.
Turk: Not anymore!
Carla: I can't believe you thought he was a threat.
Dr. Cox: I'm a threat!
Carla: You're not in love with me, you idealize me.
J.D.: Can we just try and stay focused...
Turk: You're mad 'cause I'm scared of losing you?
Carla: Yes, because we're stronger than that!
Dr. Cox: Apparently not!

J.D.: My man Turk, is getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly! Ah! What up, dogg!
J.D.'s narration: Once every 4.2 seconds a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for... luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: What did you just say?
J.D.: "What up...dogg?"