(to Turk) Look, surgeons always want to slice people open whether it's the best option or not. No disrespect, but you're just not that bright, you have no idea how to do anything else. Unfortunately, sick people are also very, very stupid and almost always agree to anything that a blood-letting corpse carpenter, such as yourself, tells them. I simply stay in the room to make sure they make the right choice.

Dr. Cox

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

J.D.: Look Elliot, I dunno if its possible for me to put how I feel about you into words but I guess I'll give it a shot. I never really believed I'd find someone I loved as much as you. I love you more than anything in the whole world. Elliot, I love you more than Turk
Elliot: Oh my god
J.D.: It's kind of hard for me to say, but it's true

Molly: That's the 'Close' button.
J.D.: Oh no, it's the 'Close' button. When somebody gets close it activates a sensor that opens the door.
Molly: Fancy.

Janitor: Heard you're trying to clean a dead dog.
Carla: Yeah, who told you that?
Janitor: Mmm, the wind... Blonde doctor.

J.D.: Thanks for letting us crash here, man.
Todd: The Todd's not accustomed to receiving gentleman callers.
J.D.: Okay...

Perry, what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso! I thought we'd met.

Dr. Kelso

Turk: Dude, the only difference between a black girl and a white girl is that when a black girl asks you if her ass looks big?
J.D.: Uh-huh?
Turk: You say, "Hell yeah!"

Carla: And Turk, you don't mind if every now and then Marco and I speak Spanish to each other, right?
Turk: Baby, fo'shizzle-dizzle. Do your thizzle, 'cause I'm up out this pizzle. Chach! See, we got our own secret language, too. Eh-ha!
Marco(translated): What did he say?
Carla(translated): I have no idea.
Marco(translated): Jackass!

Betrayal-five!

Todd

(To Elliot in the elevator) Hey, buddy! What's with the giant needle?

J.D.

J.D.: I think we should all be happy with the bras God gave us! I really should go.
Maddie: Oh, it's all right. We were going to go to the gym, but I could just as easily throw up instead.

Scrubs Quotes

(to Turk) Look, surgeons always want to slice people open whether it's the best option or not. No disrespect, but you're just not that bright, you have no idea how to do anything else. Unfortunately, sick people are also very, very stupid and almost always agree to anything that a blood-letting corpse carpenter, such as yourself, tells them. I simply stay in the room to make sure they make the right choice.

Dr. Cox

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?