Popular Scrubs Quotes
J.D.'s Thoughts: Wait, is she in to me? Quick, make a bad joke and see if she laughs.
J.D.: Did you hear the one about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party? He had no body to go with.
Neena: That's really funny!
J.D.'s Narration: Well that's not a fair test - that joke's hilarious.
J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?
J.D. [to Cox]: you won't admit this, but you're in love with Carla.
Carla: No, he's not.
Dr. Cox: Actually, I am.
Carla: You're starting again.
J.D.: And Carla, you're mad that Turk didn't trust you enough to tell you.
Turk: See? Trust, woman, trust!
J.D.: Whatever. The point is that Turk is sorry.
Turk: Not anymore!
Carla: I can't believe you thought he was a threat.
Dr. Cox: I'm a threat!
Carla: You're not in love with me, you idealize me.
J.D.: Can we just try and stay focused...
Turk: You're mad 'cause I'm scared of losing you?
Carla: Yes, because we're stronger than that!
Dr. Cox: Apparently not!
Spence: Nothing like drinking cold beers in a jacuzzi, am I right, Ed?
Ed: Hell, some days I just sit out here for hours on end, downing cold one after cold one.
J.D.: What do you do when you have to pee?
Ed: So you boys are doctors, huh?
Elliot: Yeah, and Kelso wants me to keep hiding Doug until that attorney leaves. Isn't that ridiculous?
Carla: Elliot, the man tried to electrocute me an hour ago. All I care about is whether or not this twitch goes away. You should take Doug down to the morgue. The worst he could do there is bring somebody back to life!
Yo, Hooch is seriously crazy.J.D.
Jack: Daddy drinks a lot.
Jordan: His first complete sentence. Fantastic.
J.D.: Hey Todd, will do you do me a favor and sit on this?
The Todd: Dude or chick? Wait, don't tell me. I'm fine either way.
J.D.: Hey! Wanna grab a beer?
Carla: If you lose the hat.
You know Lindsay when I was 15 I cut my own bangs... Oh that's right, Percival; it's a high-school hair story. Anyway, Judy Keenan told me that she would also cut her hair off; it was like a suicide-pact, only with bangs. I cut off my hair and, of course, she backed out. But even though my bangs looked horrible, I kept them that way. Mostly because those stupid bangs were the only thing in my life that I felt I had control over, you know?Elliot
Bonnie: Huh! So I'm doing a Nissen gastric fundoplication; and you're doing...yet another appendectomy. How fun for you!
Turk: Please, you call that smack-talk? You shoulda asked me how it feels to be so far below you, I wouldn't be able to read "Suck it, Turk" if you wrote it on the bottom of your shoe.
Bonnie: Okay. How does that feel?
J.D.'s Narration: And so here I am - a guy in an empty apartment with a dead dog. Oh, and that's not a tear on my cheek, that's just from the leak in my ceiling. And, yes, change is scary, but it's also inevitable. It's up to you to make the best of it. I mean, it's not like opportunity is just gonna fall in to your lap.
The leaking ceiling collapses, and a woman in a sudsy bathtub plummets onto J.D.'s moving boxes.
J.D.'s Narration: Then again...
J.D.: Howdy, neighbor, I'm Jonathan!
A half-naked, mean looking guy crashes down next to them.
Guy: You eyeballin' my woman?
J.D.'s Narration: I hate change.