J.D.: My man Turk, is getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly! Ah! What up, dogg!
J.D.'s narration: Once every 4.2 seconds a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for... luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: What did you just say?
J.D.: "What up...dogg?"

J.D. [to Cox]: you won't admit this, but you're in love with Carla.
Carla: No, he's not.
Dr. Cox: Actually, I am.
Carla: You're starting again.
J.D.: And Carla, you're mad that Turk didn't trust you enough to tell you.
Turk: See? Trust, woman, trust!
J.D.: Whatever. The point is that Turk is sorry.
Turk: Not anymore!
Carla: I can't believe you thought he was a threat.
Dr. Cox: I'm a threat!
Carla: You're not in love with me, you idealize me.
J.D.: Can we just try and stay focused...
Turk: You're mad 'cause I'm scared of losing you?
Carla: Yes, because we're stronger than that!
Dr. Cox: Apparently not!

Sterile high-five!

Todd

Patricia, its been a real pleasure having you here at Sacred Heart. And I certainly hope, the next time you fall ill, you remember us. Umm.. Im.. not implying that youll get ill. But..its just that... youre old and chances are good... Stop talking Robert!!

Dr. Kelso

J.D.: All right, I should've done this a long time ago; so, here goes: I'm sorry. I shouldn't accuse you of being jealous, you were just looking out for me, and...you were right about Alex.
Elliot: You never did sleep with her, did you?
J.D.: No... But, why does that matter?
Elliot: Because I was jealous

Look, Dr. Cox, I know my opinion doesn't mean anything and I'm always wrong and apparently useless - which deep down you know isn't true because... shoot, I forgot your coffee.

J.D.

J.D.: Dr. Reid couldn't be here today, children, so I'm here in her place.
Kid: Why're your pants so tight? Clowns have baggy pants!
J.D.: Well, Brad, I'm the type of clown that likes to wear tight pants.
Kid: But the other clown has baggy pants!
J.D.: What other clown?
Janitor: Hello, old friend.
J.D.: Janitor!

J.D.: Damn, his cultures are back, he's not septic.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'd start him on Dopamine.
J.D.: Already done.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'd scan his head.
J.D.: I already ordered it.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'd definitely give Mrs. Cross her teeth back.
J.D.: That I will not do!

Why can't I sit on you!? Why??

Dr. Casey

J.D.: Excuse me, sir, do you have a second?
Dr. Kelso: Sport, what did I tell you about my open-door policy? I don't have one.

J.D.: That was good, Kevin! We should-we should make him, like, make dinner for us tonight. He could be our own personal slave!
Kevin: Our own personal what, now?
J.D.: Oh, no, I don-I don't mean like that kind of slave.
Kevin: Well, how 'bout this: How 'bout he be the house slave, and I be the field slave. That sound like fun to you?
J.D.: That-that wouldn't be fun...
Turk: What's going on?
Kevin: I forgot how much fun it was messing with Alfalfa!

Elliot: I just realized that people here need me to be brave. Just like your dad needs you to be brave for his operation.
Tyler: Can I hold his hand?
Elliot: They're not actually very big on that.

Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: My man Turk, is getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly! Ah! What up, dogg!
J.D.'s narration: Once every 4.2 seconds a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for... luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: What did you just say?
J.D.: "What up...dogg?"

Sean: J.D., may I offer a little constructive criticism?
J.D.'s Narration: Kick him in the crotch dammit! The crotch!