J.D.: My man Turk, is getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly! Ah! What up, dogg!
J.D.'s narration: Once every 4.2 seconds a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for... luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: What did you just say?
J.D.: "What up...dogg?"

J.D.: Holy inferiority complex Batman! How low is my self esteem that I'm the sidekick in my own fantasy?
Turk: It could be worse. You could be Alfred the butler.
J.D.: Damn you, sir

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

Ah, the intern car wash. Are you saving up so you can finally get those pec implants replaced?


Sport, if crying worked on me my wife would have her own car by now

Dr. Kelso

Get a load of Mr Extra Mile Guy's leukaemia patient, sitting in there all by herself. Knowing him, he's probably out getting her a cake, shaped like a cancerous white blood cell.

Dr. Cox

Now, let's talk, Ted. Just you and me. No lawyers.

Dr. Kelso

Dr. Casey: What smells like lilacs?
Carla: Her... And Him.
Dr. Casey: That's very nice... and deeply disturbing.
J.D.: The jar said "Unisex."

Dr. Kelso: Gosh, sport, I sure hope you're not using that phone to make a personal call.
Turk: No. Actually that was David Morrison's father. He's a patient of mine. Dave's a good kid.
Dr. Kelso: Well he sound's teriffic. You two becoming best pals?
Turk: Yeah.
Dr. Kelso: Well you know what we should do? The three of us should play a game of stick ball. Sure, all we need is a stick and a ball and a pocket full of dreams. Or we could take turns bowling your patient down the hallways of my hospital

Dr. Cox: But sometimes in medicine you have to just chalk it up to life's great mysteries, like crop circles or this gal's Adam's apple.
J.D.: I'm a girl, that's original.

Turk: Hey, dude, get us some more ice cream.
J.D.: First of all, this is a Rice Dream - mm, ricey!

J.D.'s Narration: She seems almost peaceful...
Danni: Later, butt-licks!
J.D.'s Narration: Maybe not.

Scrubs Quotes

Dr. Kelso: Ahhh! Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name.
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?

Hey, everybody. This place has dynamite lamb.