Scrubs

Scrubs "My Day off" Quotes

Dr. Kelso: Doctor Cox, did you get my memo reminding all senior staff that lab coats must be worn at all times?
Dr. Cox: You know I did get it there Bob and at first I just threw it away, but then I decided that wasn't a grand enough gesture, so I made a replica of you out of straw and I put my lab coat on it with your memo in the pocket, and then I invited all the kids in the neighborhood to come over to light it on fire and whack it with sticks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Huh. I was just wondering how you comb your hair so the horns don't show.
Dr. Kelso: I wonder what bothers you the most, is it that I saved his life, that he likes me as a person, I bet its how he respects me as a doctor. How does that taste? Bitter, hard to get down?
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: You better watch it Bambi. You don't want a hundred pound white girl mad at you. You'll flinch everytime you hear a Range Rover.
J.D.: I can't believe I have to spend all of Thanksgiving here. Tell me that wouldn't kill you.
Carla: Not really.
J.D.: Do they celebrate Thanksgiving in your homeland?
Carla: You mean Chicago?
J.D.: You have a Chicago?
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.'s narration: I know two things about bars, one they're always packed the week of Thanksgiving and two put a beer in my hand and I'm Mr. Smooth.
Jennifer: I was laughing so hard milk was coming out of my nose.
J.D.: Well, I once tripped over an I.V. and blood shot over everyone! Er uh a little got on my nose. Every damn day saving those children!
Turk: Who wants Margaritas? Dude, less blood more fruity drinks
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're examining me? I don't want you to see my unmentionables.
Elliot: I've seen underwear before.
J.D.: Actually I use the word unmentionables for my genitals as well
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: I just want you to know how serious I am about what I do.
J.D. Did you stitch your initials in to me?!
Turk: That's not important
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: So he was up all night with a high fever, cramping and crying.
J.D.: Dude!
Turk: Oh, my bad. Not crying. Punching the wall all manly and angry like
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: So did you talk to any girls last night?
Turk: Baby, I'm an attractive man, we both know this. It's just a burden you'll have to live with.
Carla: One of many
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Benson: Still have that great rapport with the nurses huh?
Dr. Cox: Actually Carla totally gets me. That's why I've been systematically trying to drive her away.
Dr. Benson: You ever see that therapist I recommended?
Dr. Cox: Not yet, no
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Shortness of breath, dizziness, problems urinating?
J.D.: No, no, is it a problem if it whistles?
Elliot: Oh, you're making this so much easier! Are you sexually active?
J.D.: Oh it's active.
Elliot: I'll write, rare dry spell in the margin
 • Rating: Unrated

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