Scrubs

Scrubs "My Heavy Meddle" Quotes

J.D.'s narration: I guess the only positive is that a hospital's like one big family. So if one relationship ends, there are always plenty of others around you can rely on.
J.D.: Dr. Cox, I was wondering...
Dr. Cox: I'd say you're about a B cup, yeah.
Janitor: At least they're real.
J.D.'s narration: Yep, it's a good place to heal
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: Girl problems?
J.D.: How'd you know?
Janitor: You look like you got problems, you're a girl, hence girl problems. Watch your nails. [closes counter]
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Carla: So the bartender just let you skip out on the tab?
J.D.: He said I could pay him back by giving him a complete physical, which is actually scary because I never mentioned I was a doctor
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: How is it that you can blow me off, and it just makes you seem sexier?
Carla: Cause you're whipped.
Turk: I thought so
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Interesting. It isn't often I'm paged by a nurse. As a matter of fact the last time was when... Uh hm ooh, what was her name? She hasn't worked here since then... Oh, never mind, what can I do for you and your coma patient here?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: If you don't toss that shot back I'm gonna throw you on the counter and make you sing the theme song from 'Endless Love'.
J.D.: Yucky.
Dr. Cox: Yucky?
J.D.: Yucky.
Dr. Cox: Oh my God, I'm drinking with a Mousketeer
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Well, you seem fine, so...
Dr. Cox: I am not fine. I mean, why do you think we're out here at this bar at two o'clock in the morning? Just so we can go into the urinal and piss on the ice?
J.D.: I love to melt the middle.
Dr. Cox: We're out here because if I go home and go to sleep, the only thing I'm gonna be able to think about is how I gotta get up tomorrow morning and go back to that place, and you wanna know something, pal? I got nothin'. Honest to God, I got nothin
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Okay, let's get back to work. Okay, but it's gonna be different this time, okay? We take a systematic approach, we can maximize our efficiency.
Turk: I rented "Red Dawn".
Elliot: Wolverines!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.'s narration: When you're a doctor you need to be prepared for anything. Heart attacks, drug overdoses, gunshot wounds, but one thing you can't prepare for is what happens after you break up with a co-worker.
[J.D. bumps into Elliot]
J.D.: Watch where you're walking!
Elliot: You watch where you're walking.
J.D.'s narration: Don't let her get the last word.
J.D.: Just... You watch where you're walking.
Elliot: You watch where you're walking!
J.D.: Damn!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: My high school teacher Mr. Peters died. He was a great guy.
Turk: You okay?
J.D.'s Narration: Even though I see death all the time now, I still react the exact same way I did when I was a kid.
J.D.: Doin' a lot better than Mr. Peters.
Turk: Dude!
 • Rating: Unrated

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