Scrubs Season 3 Episode 4: "My Lucky Night" Quotes
J.D.'s Narration: Even if I wanted to put my pride on the line and go tell Elliot how I feel, I can't. I have to work tonight.
Dr. Cox: Say, Newbie. Seeing as how you are partially responsible for me being the new Residency Director, I'm gonna go ahead and give you the rest of the night off. I... I don't know, It's just kind of my own personal way of saying... I can't actually stand the sight of you.
J.D.'s Narration: I still don't think I should go see her.
Woman over loudspeaker: Doctor's Leave and Winnerback please report to the ER. Leave and Winnerback.
Man: (gives bouquet of flowers to J.D.) Here, buddy. Baby wasn't mine.
Dr. Kelso: Good afternoon, Sacred Heart!
Dr. Steadman: Hey! Your Chief of Medicine just said good afternoon, people!
J.D.'s Narration: Dr. Jeffrey Steadman - world-class suck-up. Especially since the residency director position opened up.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Cox, you know Dr. Steadman.
Dr. Cox: You're a doctor? Here, all this time I had thought that you were some kind of parasitic creature who lived shoulder-deep inside Big Bob's colon.
Dr. Steadman: If only, sir.
Elliot: Mm! In the new Sea World dolphin show, Sean opens with this impression of a blowfish that will totally crack you guys up! Show them.
Sean: All right.
Sean fills his cheeks with air and makes a face.Turk, Carla, and Elliot crack up.
J.D.: What the hell, that's not funny! All he did was this-
J.D. tries to imitate Sean's blowfish. Nobody laughs.
Sean: Hey, you're not doing it right.
Dr. Cox: The point is, and you just might want to jot this down: only the weak need help.
J.D.: I should get that tattooed on my neck.
J.D.'s Narration: Hospitals are hectic. But there's a certain time every morning, after the bedpans have been emptied, that a calm washes over the place; and you can't help but feel peaceful.
J.D.: Holy Vishnu! Look, we've been working together a while, could you not whistle at me?
Dr. Cox: You're right, Newbie, we have been working together for a while. Of course, I wouldn't know the exact number of days unless I consulted my Friends For Life calendar that I keep taped inside my hope chest.
Dr. Cox: Just a real nice helmet, there, princess.
J.D.: Actually, it's not a helmet, it's a Hairmet - it has extra room so you don't mess up your hairdo.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough. I'm gonna go ahead and write you a prescription for two testicles; and you feel free to get this filled out whenever you want.
Jordan: Besides, she's too expensive.
Dr. Cox: About that, now, um, I've actually been thinking about going after that residency director job.
Jordan: Residency director?
Dr. Cox: Yeah-heah!
Jordan: But Perry, you realize if you did that, you would be taking a positive step in your life.
Dr. Cox: I... I know.
Jordan: Quick: First place we made love?
Dr. Cox: Oh, gimme a break. We've never "made love".
Jordan: Whew, it is you.
Well snip my pickle and call me Shlomo!
Dr. Kelso
Sean: Elliot, the trip that I'm leaving on tomorrow... it's actually a lot longer than I let on.
Elliot: What, like three days?
Sean: No...
Elliot: Four days?
Sean: Six months.
Elliot: Five days?
Lady: Love your Hairmet.
J.D.: Love yours!
Dr. Cox: Tell me this, there, pippy: Are you allergic to bee stings?
J.D.: I don't know. Why?
Dr. Cox: Oh, it's just that it looks so painful and possibly infected that I must flick it!
J.D.'s Narration: It was amazing to see how much Dr. Cox actually wanted this job. And how much he was willing to put up with to get it!
Man: So, the wife and I ended up buying Egyptian cotton bed sheets!
Dr. Cox: Gee, you're too much. What's the thread count on those bad boys?
