Scrubs Season 5 Episode 5: "My New God" Quotes
J.D.: Long story short, after confirming it with my bunk-mates, that counselor and his "friendship lotion" were transferred out of our cabin and we never spoke about it again.
Janitor: Well, "what doesn't kill ya..."
J.D.'s Narration: We're as thick as two thieves in a pod!
Carla: I paged you an hour ago!
Turk: I was in surgery.
Carla: Is that doughnut glaze on your cheek?
Turk: Guess we're not having sex, huh?
Carla: Oh, ho, ho, no. We're having sex. Get in there.
Turk: Wait, baby... I'm too full.
Carla: Now, Turk.
Turk: Man!
Carla: Stupid jerk!
J.D.'s Narration: ...I never go to bed very, very mad...
Turk: Angry sex is awesome!
J.D.'s Narration: I figured out why I'm so great at managing relationships... I don't rub things in people's faces...
Dr. Cox: I thought you might like to know that your husband's chest x-ray looks better. He is finally starting to improve.
Mrs. Donnelly: Thank you so much.
Dr. Cox: I was really just doing my job-
Mrs. Donnelly: Oh, I'm... talking to Paige. She was up all night praying with us.
Turk: You have to help me end this angry sex cycle!
Carla: I'm ready.
Elliot: Oh, Carla, uh, Turk's making you mad on purpose because the angry sex is so good. The cycle is broken!
Losing a baseball scholarship because a bear ate your arm is a much worse consequence of sex.
Elliot
J.D.'s Narration: Now that I'm on the lam, I thought about two things. One, what my prison name would be...
J.D.: Gizmo!
Turk: Baby, all I'm saying is that in some European countries, it's totally acceptable for a man to have a mistress.
Carla: Why you-
(He kisses her again, and she fiercely pulls him to her.)
Turk: Mm! Mmmhhgh.
(Time lapse...)
Carla: I'm gonna make you pay for every word you said!
Turk: Worth it!
Carla: Turk! I'm ready!
Turk(To reflection): All right. So angry sex is awesome. That's no reason to go down a bad road.
Turk(to Carla): Baby, you know what I miss? When your body was kickin'.
That's it! That is it. Now you, you may be a total goner, but God's not getting his hands on this one. No way, no how. Come on, Jackie boy, we got places to go.
Dr. Cox
Can you two please just try to get along? Now I'm getting some blush for Jack, because this lace collar is washing out his face. Terrible.
Jordan
J.D.'s Narration: I hope I can find a way to connect with him.
(J.D. catches an urn before it falls to the floor)
Janitor: Thanks for saving that - that's one of my favorite pieces.
J.D.: You're welcome, friend!
