Scrubs Season 3 Episode 13: "My Porcelain God" Quotes
"If there is something you know you can do, whether it's intubating a patient, or copping a squat on the roof, and your mind keeps throwing up road blocks, just know you can drive right through them..."
Dr. Casey
Okay... So far no epiphanies. Except that outdoor toilet seats are like frickin' icicles!
Elliot's Narration
Elliot: I need help.
Dr. Cox: I know you do, sweetie, but here I'm plum out of hair scrunchies. Now scram, princess, we're waiting for somebody.
J.D.: Look, Turk, I heard the message that your brother left on the machine. I want you to know, if there's anything I can do to make your whole wedding go smoother, just tell me. Even if it's stepping down from being best man.
Turk: The only reason I asked my brother to be best man was because I knew he couldn't come to the wedding. But now his plans have changed and he's all excited. Dude, it has to be you, you know that.
J.D.'s Narration: It's always uncomfortable when two guys wanna say something each other.
J.D.: Look, you've been my best friend for ten years, man; I've loved you since college, and you know I'd do anything for you.
Turk: Dude, look, man, you're my friend and I frickin' love you; and no one's looked out for me like you have. Cool.
J.D.: Solid... You know, if it makes it easier, I guess we could be co-best men.
Turk: You have no idea how much stress that would relieve.
J.D.: Even though... God said it's supposed to be one...
Turk: With Marbury, I really believe New York has a shot at the title, man.
J.D.: Yeah, me too.
Turk: Which sport are we talking about?
J.D.: I wanna say tennis...
Dr. Kelso: Hector's wife just set my drapes on fire with her damn prayer candle!
Carla: He's here!
Dr. Kelso: I want them both out of my office!
Carla: Sir, there's a ton of empty beds right here. All you have to do is flick the switch.
Dr. Cox: You know how to do that, don't you, Bob? You just bend over... and flick.
Carla: You know, Hector told me he's worked for Dr. Kelso for twenty years. That's half his life. I mean, I know he looks 50, but that's what being in the sun all day does to your skin.
Dr. Cox: Right, right.
Carla: The point is, it doesn't seem like he hates Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Cox: Say... Say, Bobbo... Is it possible that you're occasionally a decent human being in your life outside of this place?
Dr. Kelso: Well, champ, seeing as you don't exist in my life outside this place, I doubt it's any of your damn business.
J.D.: But look, if you need help, I'm always here for you.
Elliot: All right, see, with intubating... I can't seem to intubate patien-
J.D.: There's Turk. I gotta go.
Elliot: Look, I don't wanna sound pathetic, but, he didn't even help me.
J.D.: He didn't help a lot of people, Elliot. It was just me, and Turk, and Carla, and Dr. Cox, and Doug, and Dr. Mickhead-
Elliot: Mickhead? No, Mickhead's in rehab.
J.D.: Was in rehab, Elliot. Was. He'll never huff paint again.
Watching Kevin go, I wondered how gay I looked giving that two-handed handshake.
J.D.'s Narration
J.D.: Cool. I'll see you tomorrow.
Dr. Casey: Uh, actually, no. I got a call - I have to go back to my hospital.
J.D.: Why? Why do you have to do that?
Dr. Casey: Well, look at it this way: Uh, I may be leaving here, but I will always be there. (points at J.D.'s heart)
J.D.: I know.
Dr. Casey: I am so messing with you!
J.D.'s Narration: I think it's human nature to search for answers.
Turk: Dude. Why is your tux gonna cost four thousand dollars?
J.D.: No reason.
