Scrubs Season 1 Episode 21: "My Sacrificial Clam" Quotes
Dr. Cox: Do you understand that the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby you just lost the battle!
Turk: You should give speeches to teenage girls
J.D.: What's this?
Ted: If you should develop any symptoms that suggest you may have contracted Hepatitis B, this form simply states the hospital is not responsible.
J.D.: Thanks. That's, uh, that's comforting
Turk: How many nights a week are you in here?
Dr. Cox: A few.
Todd: Aw, he's being modest. The Big Dog's down here polishing his guns like every night!
Dr. Cox: That doesn't mean I don't have a life.
Todd: A couple times we even went out for a beer after!
Dr. Cox: Dude
Todd: Dude! Way to get your burger on!
Dr. Cox: Now, just exactly what in the hell is this?
Turk: I need to talk to you about something.
Todd: So, Dr. Cox, I haven't had the chance to tell you this yet: Your. Name. Rocks! Come on!
Dr. Cox: This conversation stops until cabana boy, here, goes
J.D.'s Narration: Ahhh, the Walk of Shame. All you can really hope for is a supportive friend to help you get through it.
J.D.: Elliot got some booty! Some booty! Some what? What? Elliot got some-
Elliot: Stop it!
J.D.: What? It's my "Elliot Got Some Booty" dance... Oh, come on! Elliot, it's not like anybody else knows.
Dr. Cox: What's up, porn star?
Laverne: Somebody toasted that marshmallow!
Elliot: Well?
J.D.: Somebody got some a-action! She got some aaaction!
J.D.'s Narration: The curse of the scrubs machine - one of the hospital's most annoying money savers. The only way to get clean scrubs out is to put dirty ones in.
J.D.: How can I help?
Elliot: Give me your shirt.
J.D.: How else can I help?
Elliot: I'm sorry, we cannot have intercourse tonight.
Sean: You've gotta stop calling it that.
Elliot: It's just I'm falling so behind in my reading, and I really-
Sean: Elliot, don't always assume that I want to be fooling around. Sometimes I'm-I'm perfectly happy just being with you and thinking about fooling around
Sean: You know, Freud said that ninety percent of all human behavior is motivated by sexual impulses? But, come on. You know, give me some credit. I'd say at least thirty percent of my behavior is motivated by advertising, and the rest by violence in film!
Elliot: For me it's ninety-eight percent getting my dad to love me, two percent chocolate
Turk: So, how do you do it, man? How do you stay in shape?
Dr. Cox: It's called discipline. Some of us work on our appearance.
Turk: Well, you think it's possible that I could work out with you sometime?
Dr. Cox: I don't know about that, stay-puff. I'm not particularly fond of you. Although, it might be fun to see you flail about for a couple of days
J.D.: Good news, friend. The doctor is in!
Mr. Winston: I asked for a newspaper, and they gave me a bunch of Judy Bloom books from Pediatrics.
J.D.: I don't know anything about those... You have to read "Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing," completely turned high school around for me!
Elliot: What are you doing here?
Sean: I...I bought you some extra scrubs to keep in your locker, so you never have to work topless again - unless you start dancing, which, you know, I thought about...and I'm okay with it!
J.D.: Dr. Cox., heh. Is there any way I can get you to cover Mr. Winston? He's my meningitis patient. Little bit of a personality difference - I mean, he says "tom-ay-to" and I say..."tom-ah-to".
Dr. Cox: Sure.
J.D.: What?
Dr. Cox: I'll take him. You just gotta grab my three gomers in 408.
J.D.: What's wrong with them?
Dr. Cox: I don't know, Newbie, I'm assuming they're sick