(to Carla) I can't believe you left me out there yesterday. I was in the ocean for so long I got jellyfish stings on my ding-a-ling.

Turk

Ted: This salad taste like sun screen
Janitor: That's because you put sun screen on it
Ted [tastes face]: Ahh! I put ranch on my face!

J.D.: Look Elliot, I dunno if its possible for me to put how I feel about you into words but I guess I'll give it a shot. I never really believed I'd find someone I loved as much as you. I love you more than anything in the whole world. Elliot, I love you more than Turk
Elliot: Oh my god
J.D.: It's kind of hard for me to say, but it's true

I am not a strong public speaker, nor am I good with the Bible, so we'll see how this goes

Van

Jordan: Remember when my dog died, you told me he went to doggie hell? And then you told me my mom was going to go to doggy hell when she dies?
Cox: Because of her doggy face?
Jordan: Right!

Scrubs Season 8 Episode 15 Quotes

I am not a strong public speaker, nor am I good with the Bible, so we'll see how this goes

Van

Jordan: Remember when my dog died, you told me he went to doggie hell? And then you told me my mom was going to go to doggy hell when she dies?
Cox: Because of her doggy face?
Jordan: Right!