Scrubs

Scrubs "My Two Dads" Quotes

J.D.'s Narration: Look at him, pretending like yesterday never happened. Well, if he thinks I'm gonna forgive him without so much as a-
Dr. Cox: Anyway newbie, the reason I was all bent outta shape yesterday...
J.D.: I accept.
Dr. Cox: Don't interrupt me. Come here. Pull that curtain. Mrs. Blitt over there, needs the TIPS procedure, no insurance. Yeah, well she can now look forward to a lifetime of encephalopathy and jaundice thanks to bottom-line Bob.
J.D.: Is it really that bad?
Dr. Cox: I hate Robert Kelso. I hate his family, I hate his friends, I hate the guy that cleans his vaguely racist little lawn jockey. Infact I hate anybody who even associates with him, is that clear?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: That TIPS proceedure was for Mrs. Blitt down in 103. You see, she doesn't have insurance, Mr. Martinez on the other hand has great insurance. Should I talk slower or go get a nurse who speaks fluent moron?
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: Is that how you see this relationship? As some mad dash to the finish line? Because I'll take you into that bedroom right now and and I promise you, you will be walking sideways for the rest of your life because I'll have used all your up and down!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: My man Turk, is getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly! Ah! What up, dogg!
J.D.'s narration: Once every 4.2 seconds a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for... luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: What did you just say?
J.D.: "What up...dogg?"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dr. Kelso: Oh, that's a great anecdote. You should write that down in your journal, then your kids can read about it when you're dead
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Thought you hated Kelso.
Dr. Cox: Oh, I do. And watching his face as I kick his worthless butt up and down this golf course every week is basically...well, it's the most fun I can have without being forced to cuddle afterwards.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: At what point did I become a crazy person?
J.D.: Oh, come on. Yes, exposing yourself to a dead guy might have been a tad unorthodox; and yes, it might be a little hard to live down....
Elliot: I'm waiting for the "but."
J.D.: So is everyone else in the hospital
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: Why would you think that Turk and I slept together? Because I'm a nurse? Because I'm Latina?
J.D.: No, just 'cause you guys have been dating...for a while. Do Latina women put out more? Because that's not something I've-I've ever heard... Turk told me.
Turk: No! I didn't! No, I swear. Look, he-he assumed.
Carla: Uh-huh. And did you correct him?
Turk: Well, you know, I've been really busy at the hospital lately...
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: I don't know if they taught you this in the land of fairies and puppy-dog tails, where you obviously, if not grew up, then at least spent most of your summers, but you're in the real world now. Nnnnn-kay?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Hey, sport. Or should I say, howdy, Mr. Pouty.
J.D.: Sorry, sir, it's been a rough day.
Dr. Kelso: So I hear. Well, anyway, I'm very proud of you, Dr... uhmmmmmm...
J.D.'s Narration: Just look at my badge!
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Turk!
J.D.: Oh, no, this-this is my roommate's badge, sir; we must have switched this morning
 • Rating: Unrated

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