Ted: Dr. Cox, did you hear that I'm quitting?
Dr. Cox: I did, Ted, and I don't know how to pretend to care.
Ted: Understandable.
Dr. Kelso: Theodore, I always figured that someday we'd just find you dead in your office.
Ted: Yeah, that was the dream.

Kelso: Methinks it's quitting time. Goodnight, Gooch. Ted.
Ted: That's it? I've been your whipping for eight years and all I get before I disappear forever is a wet clammy handshake? And, yes, I know that's from my hand not yours. And, yes, I know we've never really been friends. And, yes, I know the Gooch is way too attractive for me. I know that's not relevant right now, but it's always on my mind. [to Gooch]: Please don't leave me for a baritone.
Gooch: I won't.
Kelso: Ted, I'm so hammered right now all I can think of is those thirty cent hot dogs at the gas station, so wrap it up.
Ted: You owe me more than a handshake.

Lucy: Thanks for making Cole come back.
Denise: I didn't tell him to come back. I hate talking to that guy, it adds an extra shower to my day.

Drew: How'd you get him to talk?
Paulie: We had a conversation, all hot stuff did here was ask me questions off the form.
Drew: Are you choosing to smile and ignore the insult because he called you hot stuff?
[Lucy nods]
Drew: Thatta girl.
Cole: Did you know Paulie got a purple heart in Korea? I didn't even know we fought Korea!

Cox: You are the host of this party and to some extent the voice of your generation and while I sadly acknowledge that heralds the coming apocalypse, I do value your opinion on one thing in particular.
Cole: Wow, you're like Shakespeare, yo.
Cox: I am, I am like Shakespeare, yo

Lucy: I don't know you can see how much my soul dies every time I let you back into my bed, but it would make me hate myself like four notches less if I thought you had a decent bone in your body.
[Cole giggles]
Lucy: Please don't laugh because I said bone.
Cole: Look baby, I would love to stay but I just don't want to.

J.D. [after doing a row of shots]: I'm spinning.
Turk: Maybe next time you should try it with alcohol instead of soda.
J.D.: Don't be insane, this is awesome.
Turk: Yeah it is.. We're letting them know.
J.D.: Who and what are we letting them know?

Turk: An Indian wouldn't wear chaps.
J.D.: You're forgetting my back story. I killed a cowboy and I took his chaps. I'm also a Sheriff.

Kelso: You have the voice of an angel.
Ted and Gooch: Aww, thank you.
Kelso: Not you, Ted.
Kelso: If I were ten years younger, and you were tens year younger.
Ted: It's too late, sir, I already tapped it.

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