This place is straight up Chuck Norris, tough as balls.


I'm gonna go ahead and give you a pass, because you have murder eyes.

Dr. Cox [to Denise]

Here's what I'm gonna do if someone doesn't tell me who did. I'm gonna make you all retake the test. It's going to be you a new test, it's gonna be ten times as hard. It's not just gonna be on medicine, it's going to be on everything. Baseball, statistic, North Dakota high schools, the geography of a made of fantasy world I like to call Coxatopia. That's a magic land where where rivers run of scotch and hordes of pigs feed on the bones of cheating med students.


Lucy: What's your seecret [to staying young]?
Cole: Shae butter, big floppy sun hats. Oh and I made a deal with a witch.

Cox: You're not going anywhere.
Denise: Would it make a difference if I told you I had a personal issue that makes staying here really horrible for me?
Cox: It would make me quite a bit happier.

Todd: Sorry dog, already called shotgun on the lesbian.
Turk: You can't call shotgun on a person.
Todd: Alright then, dibs.
Turk: Dammit, dibs works. Todd, I'll let you run point on this, but you gotta act cool.

Drew: Strawberry frosting, nice?
Denise: Hey you got fruit, dairy, enough sugar for a month. What else do you need?
Drew: A spoon?
Denise: Use your fingers, Queen Elizabeth.

Kelso: Bar codes? What the hell is this, a supermarket? That's a human being, for god's sake!
Dr. Cox: Listen, old prospector. I know that any new machine scares you, but here's the well-held secret: you know that box that records your favorite television shows? There isn't a demon inside of it!
Kelso: Then how does it know what I like?! I miss the good old days, when doctors and patients actually got to know each other. You know, back when sexually harassing a nurse was just considered polite chit-chat.
Turk: Yes...the good old days. Back when a man of my color couldn't be a doctor...but could live out his life-long dream of one day driving a white woman to her hair appointments. Yes. Things were much better back then.
Dr. Kelso: See? Turkleton gets it.

Denise: I need your help. I have a patient that had to pee on a ski lift so she pulled her pants down and her butt froze to the seat and when she got off she lost most of the skin on her ass.
Drew: What's the question?
Denise: Can I laugh at that?
Drew: That depends, is she within ear shot?
Denise: No.
Drew: That's funny. No butt skin.
Denise: I lied, she's right behind you.

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