I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.


(to Kramer) You're not normal. I love you, but you're a pod.


Kramer: Tell me the truth: have you ever seen a better looking guy?
Jerry: Looks are so subjective.

Roxanne: The marathon is great, isn't it?Jerry: Yes, particularly if you're not in it.

Elaine: She died?Jerry: She died.Elaine: She died!!

Jerry: You have no idea what an idiot is.
George: Is that right? I just threw away a life time of guilt free sex and floor seats for every sporting event at Madison Square Gardens. So please, a little respect, for I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots.
Roxanne: (cheering on marathon runners You're all winners!
George: But suddenly, a new contender has emerged.

Harold: It's a good thing her rent was overdue. She'd be rotting up there for a month.
Jerry: She died? Mrs. Hudwalker died?
Harold: Ninety-four years old. I found her yesterday. She didn't have a wig on It was horrifying.

The problem with talking is that nobody stops you from saying the wrong thing. I think life would be a lot better if it was like you're always making a movie. You mess up, somebody just walks on the set, and stops the whole shot. You know what I mean? Think of the things you wish you could take back. You're out somewhere with people, 'Gee, you look pregnant are ya?' 'Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, that's not gonna work at all. Walk out the door, and come back in. Let's take this whole scene again. People, think about what you're saying!'


I feel like I've had two lives. My pre-mousse, and now I begin my post-mousse.

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