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You know, I've given the matter some thought, and I think I'd be willing to be a house pet to a race of super-intelligent aliens.

Sheldon

Penny: No, I can't. Sheldon, honey, I don't want things to be weird between us.
Sheldon: Won't it also be 'weird' if I have to say hello to you every morning on my way to work and you're living in a refrigerator box and washing your hair with rainwater?

Penny: Wow, you've got a lot of money in there.
Sheldon: That's why it's guarded by snakes.

Raj: If you don't like this stuff, let's just go next door and build her a bear.
Sheldon: I told you before, bears are terrifying

Sheldon: If I were to give you this gift basket, based on that action alone, and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exists between us.
Employee: Excuse me?
Sheldon: Here. [gives woman gift basket] Now, are we friends, colleagues, lovers? Are you my grandmother?
Employee: I don't understand what you're talking about, and you're making me a little uncomfortable.
Wolowitz: See, sounds just like you and Penny. We'll take it.

Penny: Dave is not smarter than you, he's an idiot.
Leonard: Really? Why would you say that?
Penny: Because a smart guy takes the nude photos of his wife off his cell phone before he tries to take nude photos of his girlfriend.
Leonard: He tried to take nude photos of you?
Penny: That's what you took from that?

Leonard: Every time I try to talk to her about moving out she cries, and we have sex.
Raj: You're lucky. With me it's usually the other way around

Penny: You don't always have to go along with what the woman wants.
Leonard: Huh.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Nothing... just re-thinking my whole life

Sheldon: I need to know exactly what Leonard did to get you to put an emotional cap in his buttocks.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: Again, urban slang, in which I'm beginning to get remarkable fluency

Penny: Sheldon, what do you want?
Sheldon: I'm certain this will come as no surprise to you, but Leonard is failing in yet another relationship.
Penny: He's having problems with Stephanie?
Sheldon: She's sending virtual livestock to random men on the Internet

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, get the door!
Howard: Really, is that what you do when someone knocks? I had no idea

It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and—as it always has—rock crushes scissors

Sheldon
Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 118 in total

The Big Bang Theory Season 2 Quotes

Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to degradation
Stuart: It's a little wrong to say to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge

Sheldon [to Kripke]: Also, I am given to understand that your mother is overweight.
Raj: Oh, snap.
Sheldon: Now of course, if that is the result of a glandular condition and not sloth and gluttony then I withdraw that comment.

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