The Big Bang Theory

The Big Bang Theory Season 5 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 5 Episode 23: "The Launch Acceleration"

Sheldon: I look like the Flash about to be married.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: A little. But not more than your urethras will be after whatever's in those pants swims up them.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Howard: Let me explain the difference between you and me. You watch 'Star Trek'; I live it.
Raj: Oh, please, I don't remember the episode of 'Star Trek' where the guy never goes to space and brags about it in a tuxedo store.
Howard: Make all the jokes you want. There is only one of us here brave enough to almost do what I almost did.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Howard: Yes! Thank you! Oh! Oh ... I'm not gonna die in space! I'm gonna die the way God intended in my late 50s with a heart full of pastrami.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 22: "The Stag Convergence"

Howard: Tell her I'm really sorry. And if she doesn't want to marry me, I get it. But what I really want her to know is the guy that she is really disgusted by is the guy that I'm disgusted by, too. But, that guy doesn't exist anymore; he's gone. And the reason is because of her. So, if this relationship is over, let her know that she made me a better man, and tell her thank you.
Penny: Oh my god, Howard! That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. And it came out of you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Raj: Seriously, you don't even have to stop the car. Anything under ten miles an hour and I can combat roll into the street.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Bernadette: You lied to me. You said you told me about all the girls you've been with, but you never mentioned your cousin, the prostitute or Raj!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Raj: You know, we're not that far from my apartment. If you stop the car, I could walk from here.
Bernadette: You ain't goin' anywhere, Threeway.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Raj: Oh, oh, what about the tubby girl in the Sailor Moon costume at Comic-Con?
Howard: Don't remember. Please sit down.
Raj: The only threesome I've ever had in my whole life and I'm proud to say it was with this man right here.
[All laughing]
Raj: Oh, oh, don't get me wrong, nothing happened with me and Howard. There was about 200 lbs of Sailor Moon between us.
Wil [recording on his phone]: Oh, Internet, this is so going all over you.
Sheldon: Jeepers, I'm drunk.
 • Rating: 3.6 / 5.0

Raj: Ooh! This grasshopper is kicking my ass-hopper.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Bernadette: I've actually been thinking I'm going to hyphenate: Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.
Penny: Nice. You know, you should totally get Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowksi-Wolowitz.com before someone snaps it up.
Bernadette: Howard already took are of it. Plus he set up our beautiful wedding website with cute little facts about our family histories. Do you know for a while, in Poland, my family and his family were neighbors.
Penny: Aww, that's cool.
Amy: No, it's not. I'll explain it to you later.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Sheldon (drinking whiskey): Jeepers! That's yucky.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Penny: Why should I worry?
Leonard: Well, I don't know. It's a bachelor party, there could be strippers. Wouldn't that make you a little jealous?
Penny: Come on, Leonard, it's you. What's gonna happen? I mean, even if there was a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye- contact and offer to help her kid with his homework.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Raj: You don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers. That one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 21: "The Hawking Excitation"

Stephen Hawking: You made an arithmetic mistake on page two. It was quite a boner.
Sheldon: No, no ... that can't be right. I-I don't make arithmetic mistakes.
Stephen Hawking: Are you saying I do?
Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, of course not. It's just, I was thinking.... Oh, gosh, golly, I made a boo-boo and I gave it to Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking: Great, another fainter.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: Professor Hawking, it's an honor and a privilege to meet you, sir.
Stephen Hawking: I know.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Howard: No ... about my job. I want you to tell me I'm good at what I do.
Sheldon: You're obviously good at what you do.
Howard: Well, then why are you always ripping on me?
Sheldon: Oh, I understand the confusion. I have never said that you are not good at what you do, it's just that what you do is not worth doing.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Howard's mother: It's this dress. When I put my front in, my back pops out. When I put my back in, my front pops out. It's like trying to keep two dogs in a bathtub.
Sheldon: What do you want me to do?
Howard's mother: We're going to have to work as a team. Get in here, grab a handful and start stuffing.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bernadette: Sheldon doesn't know when he's being mean because the part of his brain that should know is getting a wedgie from the rest of his brain
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Bernadette: You're being mean to him.
Howard: He's mean to me all the time. You've heard him tease me about not having a doctorate.
Bernadette: If you don't want to get teased about that, get a doctorate. I have one; they're great.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

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