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If God had meant woman to be single he would have taught us all how to use a hammer.


Lacey: Hey, I can keep a secret.
Riley: Yeah, in circulation.

Lacey: What did you drink last night?
Riley: What didn't I?

If we don't change anything, nothing changes.


Riley: Too intense?
Lacey: Three phone numbers and your e-mail might have been a bit much.

I wish Daddy would show us some face time.


I don't know if he's so hot because he's gorgeous or because he can actually do laundry.

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