I want you to love me in the way that I can show on Instagram.

I used my extensive knowledge of your sexual history and the plot of Mamma Mia and several thousand dollars of my savings to wrangle the four of your ex-boyfriends that I find the sexiest.

Morgan

Doctor: Peter is my favorite Jew.
Mindy: He's my favorite Jew as well.

Whatever you do, do not talk to any white people. In Boston, they are the dangerous ones.

Danny: The thing that's most beautiful about you is your confidence.
Mindy: Really? Because people say that is the most annoying part about me.

He's beautiful and strong even if he himself can't see it himself right now. Why can I say it about Morgan when he is lonely dirt child and can't say it about myself?

You're going to get hotter and hotter like George Clooney and I'm going to get fatter and fatter like Rosemary Clooney.

The old Jeremy would have gone home and taken it out on his pottery wheel.

Jeremy

Adults shouldn't have to put on pajamas to meet each other. They should just have their parents introduce them to their second cousin. You know someone who has the same values as them.

Danny

Mindy: Do I look gross?
Rishi: Oh I don't know. I mean I knew you when you had a perm and overalls and that was gross.

This was meant to be my love letter to America, but it ended up like every love letter I've ever written with the authorities being called.

Jeremy

Who am I kidding, everyone snoops? When I first went to your mom's house I tried on her wedding dress.