You know that happened to me for real? Green Key Weekend, Junior year, I aspirated on my own vomit. Chris Farley appeared to me and said “It’s not your time yet.”

Peter

My favorite hobby is also activities!

Morgan

As a friend I gotta tell you, you look terrible.

Morgan

My name is Nurse Morgan. I'm here to name your babies.

Morgan

Dude come on! I can't be more than five-teen minutes late?

Peter

She is calming okay? She's like a white noise machine to me.

Danny

Are you kidding me, assigned seats? What is this The Oscars?

Danny

The holes on the tea cups don't fit my fat fingers!

Peter

I don't have a problem with you. I just don't want to hang out with you if I don't have to.

Peter

Peter: I will kill this old lady.
Mindy: Excuse me?!
Peter: She's pushing 55 and that's a terrible day to die.

It's afterhours, there's different rules.

Danny

Danny: You really think my body's hot?
Mindy: Ugh! You know that it is.
Danny: The guys at the gym, you know they make comments but, they're flirts