Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them, but now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask so they can hear me say, ", I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."


Michael: Tube city. You owe me one.
Jim: [interview] Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles I picked was Michael's idea of running plastic tubes all over the office with hamsters inside of them. He called it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one.

Everyone, guys. Circle up, please. Come on over. Bring your chairs. Toby, come on over. You're a guy... too. Sort of.


Michael: "Women in the Workplace." Yeah. Translation: I have been banned from my own conference room so that Jan can talk in secret to all the girls - oh, sorry "women of the workplace." About what? I don't know. Clothes. Me.

Holly: Michael, you cried at that tag line for a movie you made up.
Michael: He had no arms or legs. He couldn't see, hear or speak. This is how he led a nation.

Five minutes ahead of schedule... Right on schedule.


Ryan: Did you see Saw?
Dwight: Of course I seesaw, Mose and I seesaw all the time.

Michael: This is Creed, and he is in charge of... something... right?
Creed: That is correct.

Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful and you don't ever get to see your pictures. If it's an important event, that you want to remember, I recommend using a real camera.


Michael: You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. Don't drop da soap. Don't drop da soap.
Ryan: Michael, please.

Kevin: Oooh, now do the Swedish chef!
Andy: I'm not familiar, what province is he from?
Kevin: He lives on Sesame Street, you dumbass.

Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.
Stanley: That's not what what a hate crime is.
Michael: Well I hated it. A lot!

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.


Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.