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I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael

Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly... she's not yo' ho no mo'.

Michael

If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then everyday would be un de donkfest!

Dwight

Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was puke. I would chug a fifth of socos, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more soco, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight B's. They called me Buzz.

Andy

Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: KGB.
Michael: KGB - [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: [in Russian accent] We will ask the questions!

Irene: What kind of tea is this?
Erin: Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.

A fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea, so if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are you just might catch one.

Kevin

Darryl: You're not as scary as Bookface over there.
Jim: Yes. I am the popular social networking site known as Bookface.

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

Dwight
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 2596 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Robert: You want a three and a half day weekend for Columbus Day?
Andy: Yes I do.
Robert: And you are aware Columbus and his legions committed genocide against an entire civilization of Native Americans?
Andy: I don't care.

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