I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael

If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then everyday would be un de donkfest!

Dwight

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was puke. I would chug a fifth of socos, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more soco, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight B's. They called me Buzz.

Andy

Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael

Irene: What kind of tea is this?
Erin: Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.

A fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea, so if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are you just might catch one.

Kevin

Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: KGB.
Michael: KGB - [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: [in Russian accent] We will ask the questions!

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

Dwight

Meredith: [reading birthday card] This one's from Michael, "Let's hope the only downsizing this year is that someone downsizes your age."
Michael: Get it? 'Cause of the downsizing. Rumors. And 'cause you're old.
Meredith: I get it.
Michael: Meredith is so old...(how old is she?) Meredith is so old, that when she went to an antique store, they kept her. I got that off the internet, it's not mine. Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called she wants her age back and her divorces back! Get it? 'Cause she's getting old, and she's been divorced what, twice?

Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

Dwight

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael